Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Luke Schenn/archive1

The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 03:27, 8 April 2011 [1].

Luke Schenn

Nominator(s): Canada Hky (talk) 00:12, 18 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Following not very closely on the heels of my successful FAC for Nikita Filatov, I present his draft classmate Luke Schenn. After a very helpful GA Review and Peer Review, I would appreciate any further input at this higher level of review. I believe I have addressed all the issues I am aware of. Stability for a young, active player was noted during Filatov's review so I have kept an eye on Schenn's article over the course of the season (which is almost complete). Aside from my edits to improve the article and address issues, there have been less than 20 edits during that time. I'll be around to address any issues, and appreciate any and all comments. Canada Hky (talk) 00:12, 18 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Source review - spotchecks not done yet, will do later if no one else does

Need page numbers for multi-page PDFs
Added, thank you. Canada Hky (talk) 02:47, 18 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Some minor inconsistencies in reference formatting. For example, "The Sports Network" is sometimes italicized and sometimes not
Removed italics from "The Sports Network" for all uses. Canada Hky (talk) 02:47, 18 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
What makes this a reliable source? Who is the author? Nikkimaria (talk) 02:11, 18 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Admittedly, it probably wasn't. I believe the replacement source from Marketing Magazine is of higher quality. If not, I could remove the info entirely. Thank you for your help with the sources. Canada Hky (talk) 02:55, 18 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Spotchecks turned up a bit of overly close paraphrasing: "the same school which produced fellow NHL players" vs "the same school which produced fellow NHLers". Nothing egregious, but I didn't check everything, so might be worth checking. Nikkimaria (talk) 02:38, 3 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I'll take a look, thank you. Canada Hky (talk) 02:41, 3 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I rephrased. Can you clarify - did you check one thing, and find one instance, or did you do a few checks, and turn up one instance? Canada Hky (talk) 03:26, 3 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I checked about 2-3 links, and that was the only thing that stood out in those. Nikkimaria (talk) 03:54, 3 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comment – Haven't reviewed this in detail yet, but on a quick peek I notice that the lead is small for a potential featured article. It's one paragraph for an article that is not that short (I've seen ones that are quite a bit shorter here). I recommend aiming for two decent-sized paragraphs. Giants2008 (27 and counting) 02:07, 19 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Good point, I have expanded the lead. I focused the first paragraph on his playing career, and then the second paragraph about his playing style and off-ice details. Canada Hky (talk) 00:29, 20 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Looks much better. I need to give this a full review at some point. Giants2008 (27 and counting) 01:02, 22 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comment -- the article uses the term "defensive defenceman". I've linked it by redirecting the term to stay-at-home defenceman. I guess this would be somewhat of a question to reviewers not familiar with ice hockey, but which one sounds better? Defensive defenseman is somewhat repetive but both terms are equally used, perhaps "stay-at-home" a bit more than the other. Maxim_(talk) 00:26, 21 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I have left it as "defensive defenceman" for now, but would like to hear other opinions. I tried to add a quick explanation in the text as well. "Stay at home" seems more like jargon, which I think is more difficult to understand. Canada Hky (talk) 01:56, 22 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comments –

~~In the lead, WHL needs to be defined after the first use of Western Hockey League, just like what is done for the NHL.~~
Fixed.
~~All-Rookie Team could be linked in the lead. I'm not in favor of too much linking, but that seems worthy enough.~~
Fixed, I didn't realize there was a page for it.
Junior: Hyphen needed in "then Rockets" where Shea Weber is first mentioned. I also think "fifth ranked" could use one in the middle. Places needing hyphens are something worth checking for in the rest of the article.
Fixed, a quick scan didn't show any other obvious cases. If anyone sees one, please let me know.
~~I find this bit quite repetitive: "during the 2007–08 season. Also during the 2007–08 season." At the very least, you could change the second part to "during that season" or similar.~~
Adjusted the second sentence to "Later that same season..."
Comma should be placed after "director of the Central Scouting Bureau". This will create a nice bracketing effect. While you're at it, how about another one after "who originally held the seventh overall pick"?
Fixed.
~~Professional: Period needed after "against Carey Price of the Montreal Canadiens".~~
Fixed.
~~Playing style: Minor point, but I'd drop the comma after "He believes he is at his best".~~
Agreed, that sounded really awkward.
~~Personal life: "In February, 2010". Again, I don't think the comma is desirable.~~
Agreed there as well.
~~Reference 4 appears to be from a newspaper; this should be noted in the cite.~~ Giants2008 (27 and counting) 02:29, 25 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Adjusted to include the newspaper. Thank you very much for your comments!! Canada Hky (talk) 03:04, 25 March 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Image review

Is the Maple Leaf logo copyrighted?
I would presume so. My knowledge of copyright matters is fairly non-existent, so I will cede to any experts on this one. I've just been following other hockey / sports FAs that picture the players in their uniforms. Please let me know if there is anything that I should do here. Canada Hky (talk) 02:59, 5 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Captions that are not complete sentences should not end in periods. Nikkimaria (talk) 15:31, 4 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Fixed, thank you. Canada Hky (talk) 02:59, 5 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.