Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Leroy Chollet/archive1

Leroy Chollet

Featured article candidates/Leroy Chollet/archive1

Nominator(s): Rjjⁱⁱⁱ (talk) 03:54, 15 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I first read about Leroy Chollet in a local newspaper that mentioned him as an African American basketball player who played in the Whites-only inaugural NBA Finals because he did not tell anybody that he was Black. That sounded a bit off, so I googled him but didn't find much. The Wikipedia article was a stub. As I read about the guy, I expanded his article. This is my first nomination, so feel free to offer any guidance on this process. Rjjⁱⁱⁱ (talk) 03:54, 15 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

750h

Lovely article. I'll take a look. All of the suggestions listed may be rejected with justification. 750 h+ 16:05, 15 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

lead

and became a teacher and varsity head coach for the school. I'd remove "for the school"; i think the start of the sentence does the job

early life

No problems here. 750 h+ 16:05, 15 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

college carreer

colleges were segregated, and neither remove the comma
rival colleges Louisiana State University (LSU) and Tulane remove the acronym "(LSU)", as it's not used later in the article

professional career

ball to the teams' veteran players ==> "ball to the team's veteran players"

later life

No problems here. 750 h+ 16:05, 15 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Excellent work for a first nomination, short and sweet article, hope we'll be seeing this on the main page as TFA soon! 750 h+ 16:05, 15 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, 750h+, I've addressed the comments above in the article,[1] Rjjⁱⁱⁱ (talk) 23:11, 15 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Support. 750 h+ 23:27, 15 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Mike Christie

I did the GA review for this and am glad to see it here at FAC. I left some comments on the article talk page in preparation for FAC, and I see those have been dealt with, but rereading the article now I have a couple more comments.

I can see why the Loyola national championship is mentioned in the first sentence, but it's awkward because the third sentence has to repeat the information, since we're recounting his timeline and that's early in it. It might be best to cut the first sentence all the way down to "was an American professional basketball player", and let the succeeding sentences tell the story.
Suggest adding "He died in 1998" to the end of the lead.
In the lead, "When Chollet's African American heritage was revealed" is followed by a note giving the details of his paternal great-grandmother, and that note is used again in the body of the article. I don't see any reason why those details can't be brought into the body, and for the lead I'd suggest something like this: "Chollet had one black great-grandparent, and when this was revealed he was pressured into leaving Loyola. He moved to New York ..."
Why is note 3 in a note instead of in the body of the article? It's only marginally relevant to Chollet, but if we're going to include it at all I think it's interesting enough to be promoted to the body of the article.
Similarly can we incorporate notes 4 and 5 into the article? These are good quotes; no reason to bury them; and "could not influence the unfolding events" is not as effective as the quotes it summarizes.
"Louisiana newspapers did not openly publish their ancestry": what is meant by "openly publish"? I'm sure this isn't in contrast to clandestinely publishing their ancestry, but I don't know what is intended instead.
Can we get links for the BAA and NBL, and a link in the body for the Syracuse Nationals (currently only linked in the lead and infobox).
"Chollet was the varsity head coach from 1956 to 1960 and retired from teaching in 1985. He was an administrator for community sports programs at the Lakewood Recreation Department from 1960 to 1980": any reason this is out of chronological order? Can we mention his retirement after his work for Lakewood Recreation Department, in other words?

-- Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 01:40, 18 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

"he became a role player" - what's a "role player"? Is there an appropriate link? I presume it doesn't mean that he played Dungeons & Dragons ;-)
"Chollet signed with the Syracuse Nationals" - link the Nats
"In the NBA, Chollet was a reserve guard tasked with facilitating" - are there appropriate links to whatever a "reserve guard" is and whatever "facilitating" is?
"Chollet was the varsity head coach" - what does this mean? "Varsity" would suggest to me a university, but it was a high school.....?
That's all I got on prose -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 16:14, 18 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks, ChrisTheDude! Linked the Nats. I've added "role player" to the glossary of basketball terms and added a link to this article's lead. In the body, I've tried to explain his role in the NBA with less jargon. Is that more clear? Regarding "varsity", I've specified that he was a high school varsity coach and added piped links to varsity team. In high school, it contrasts with a JV or freshman coach. Rjjⁱⁱⁱ (talk) 03:29, 19 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Support -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 07:29, 19 September 2024 (UTC)[reply]