User talk:Warmongering117
| This user is a student editor in University_of_Illinois_at_Chicago/Public_Relations_and_Digital_Media_(Fall_2018) . |
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Warmongering117, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:43, 20 September 2018 (UTC)
Notes
[edit]Hi! Here are some notes about the (now live) article.
- This needs more independent, reliable sources. Quite a few of the sources are primary, meaning that they were released by GirlForward or by those affiliated with the organization. For example, the HuffPo link shows news articles that were written by people who were involved with the organization so this is primary. You can use it to back up basic details, but it cannot show notability.
- Be careful about tone. It's easy to kind of come across as non-neutral with organizations, especially ones who do worthy causes, so it's better to stick to a more "to the point" style for the most part. Sentences like this one come across as a little bit non-neutral since they're written in a more casual tone and as such, can unintentionally come across as promotional or non-neutral:
- In 2013, Ashley Marine met Brettschneider after graduation and the two of them built GirlForward into what it is today.
- With the history section I'd recommend abridging it a bit more. Maybe like this?
- Blair Brettschneider began developing the idea for GirlForward after working with refugees while part of the SaveDarfur movement and non-profit organization RefugeeOne. While working with one refugee, Domi, Brettschneider noted that girls like Domi would often struggle to adapt to American life after fleeing from war-torn countries and would benefit from support groups geared to assist with this process. Prior to formally creating GirlForward, Brettschneider formed a support group for ten refugee teens using a financial gift of $2,000 from her grandparents. This formed the basis of the idea for GirlForward, which was officially launched in 2011. In 2013 Ashley Marine joined GirlForward and assisted in growing and developing the organization, eventually becoming its Director of Programs. As of 2018, the organization is headquartered in Chicago, Illinois, with a location in Austin, Texas that opened in 2016. It serves about 200 girls a year and has a staff of 7 people. (Is this total or in one location?)
- The organization currently works to mentor young refugees by helping them adapt to their new surroundings, as well as teach them skills that can help them become successful, independent young women and productive members of society. Refugees participating in GirlForward have come to the country legally with their families with the Office of Refugee Resettlement and have found the organization through referrals or friends who are already in the organization. When joining the organization, Brettschneider travels to the families' homes to describe the organization to the family.
- I've left off the mention of the organization building being colorful or making people feel safe. This is something that can be seen as a personal statement and also something that would be included in a promotional pamphlet about the facility, so I've left it off for neutrality purposes. Also, does the mention of 7 people mean the total staff in both locations or in just one? The article wasn't very clear, but it sounds like it's in total. It may be better to just leave that part off.
- I removed the section about the Four W's, as it was mostly empty and looked to be redundant to the explanation given in the services section. I don't know that there needs to be a more specific section about this, especially as adding it may be seen as too much detail.
I hope that this helps! --Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 20:47, 19 November 2018 (UTC)