User talk:Tjgoldberger
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Tjgoldberger, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Adam and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Adam (Wiki Ed) (talk) 19:15, 23 January 2016 (UTC)
Feedback requested
[edit]Hi, Tjgoldberger. What can I help you with? Adam (Wiki Ed) (talk) 18:31, 2 March 2016 (UTC)
I want to make sure my summary is not too biased/opinionated.
A few things:
- The existing article on the Dirty War as well as related articles like Operation Condor are well developed, which means that adding to a section on individual detention centers can focus on the centers themselves and not on related subjects. That's not to say that the article can't be improved, but take a look at sections like Human rights violation to make sure you won't repeat information for the reader. For your sections on US involvement and inaction, pay special attention to where this is covered in the article, because that has probably been the subject of lots of discussion.
- I think you should focus on a matter of fact summary of all the detention centers with a few paragraphs for the more important or infamous ones. Specifically, the section on torture (and the variability across centers) should be moved up to the top to help a reader get an understanding of the centers overall. Try to imagine reading the Dirty War article and what information about the centers themselves would be most valuable to you. Remember, the article is already pretty long, so you'll want to be concise and accurate.
- The section on Argentine voices feels like a conclusion or summary--wikipedia articles don't normally contain concluding paragraphs, the summary is in the introduction. It is also not what we would want to see in the voice of the encyclopedia. A line like "The United States, another player that did not act, also consumed guilt for its inability to seek due process and justice of the Dirty War victims" may feel appropriate as a moral condemnation but we can't make it.
- I think you've found a good source which isn't in the existing article: the report on Centros clandestinos de la ciudad de Buenos Aires looks to be quite useful. Good find! What will help you improve each of these articles is to see where you can find corroborating sources for particular claims. In this case, do you have another source focusing specifically on the detention centers?
I would recommend trying to closely source a few paragraphs describing the detention system (maybe 2 for the summary and 2-3 for specific centers, so 4-5 total) because it's not covered that well in the article right now. For the other material I'd suggest reading the current article closely and seeing where you can make small improvements from what you've already researched. Add a few sources here and there or edit sections to improve them (in small doses) and you'll really get a sense for what sort of tone wikipedians are looking for. Does that help? If you need any more help with specific things or need some clarification please let me know. Adam (Wiki Ed) (talk) 21:01, 2 March 2016 (UTC)