User talk:Tawhite2013/sandbox

"PSY 401 C: Peer Review for Taylor White"

(a) Progress #: 5

(b) Much more information and sections than in the previous article. You also actually cite sources to substantiate your findings. You improved the introduction section by making it clearer, concise and link out to other sources.

(c)

In the first paragraph, the sentence starting with “The practice of behavioral medicine” is a long list and could be broken down into two sentences to ensure comprehension. Perhaps place the portion of the sentence starting with “aspects of occupational therapy, rehabilitation medicine…” could be a part of the second sentence.
Topics in Behavioral Medicine

It may be helpful if you were to provide an overview sentence of the different topics in behavioral medicine before making subsections of each.
Additionally, all of the topics you outline are a little too technical and for someone who knows nothing about Behavioral medicine this can be a little overwhelming.

Behavior-related illnesses

Typo in the sentence: “Many chronic disease” It should be “Many chronic diseases”
I am confused by what you mean by “Many chronic diseases have a behavioral component, but the following illnesses can be significantly and directly modified by behavior, as opposed to using medicine alone” Do you mean to say that behavioral interventions may be better equipped to treat chronic disease than the field of medicine? It may be less confusing if you were to use pharmacological intervention instead of medicine if you are referring to medication/drugs when you say “medicine” in this sentence.

Treatment adherence and compliance

The examples in this section are great but you leave the interpretation of how these examples apply to the reader. Expand on them a little. I would probably make this less bulleted and in-text. You could start this off with “Some examples of appropriate reinforcement include telemonitoring and case management.” If there is a link that could further explain these and that would be sufficient to explain how these apply, then you could just wikilink to them.

Doctor-patient relationship

I am uncertain as to the bullets in this section. You outline communication and physician well-being as being components of the doctor-patient relationship but do not expand on how the sub-bullets such as "Interviewing ‘difficult’ patients” apply to behavioral medicine. I really like the idea of outlining and making it visually appealing, but you are being too concise here for this section as a whole.

(d)

I would provide more wikilinks to the various science you list like epidemiology that are related to behavioral medicine.
I would perhaps provide more information on the academic forebears and just expand on the history some more if you could. Like two or three more sentences to give it some more for people to look at.
The paragraph beginning with “Other areas…” and “The International Society…” after the Doctor-patient relationship subsection could probably go with your general statement for the Topics in Behavioral Medicine section before you delve into the specific topics you decided to expand on.

(e) Readability #: 4

(f) I think this is a great start and you definitely are taking this article in the right direction, especially since it was very bare minimum when you started with it. Nathalya Cubas (talk) 21:49, 2 May 2013 (UTC)[reply]