User talk:Subuls

This user is a student editor in UC_Berkeley/Global_Poverty_and_Practice_(Spring_2018) .

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Hello, Subuls, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 21:07, 25 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

VisualEditor

Hi! I noticed that you recently used a raw HTML link as a source - while the source looks to be good, don't forget to include information in the source such as where it was published, the author, and the title, among other things. If you are using VisualEditor the program will do much of this for you. If you don't have VisualEditor and would like to enable it, you can do so by following the directions here. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:53, 16 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Peer Review (1)

Section: Malnutrition Comments

One thing I noticed is that you often forget to source your information. Don't forget to keep track of all the sources and as you type, cite.
I think you could do with a sentence to describe the word 'wasting'. You make a very good point about how you can just create a link to the wikipedia page on wasting but one sentence would be beneficial to keep the reader from switching back and forth between wikipedia articles.
I think you can relate your last sentence of the first paragraph back to malnutrition. What does anemia have to do with it? Just one sentence should do here as well.
You delve into reasons for malnutrition but really only focus on urbanization. I believe there are many more reasons for malnutrition that you can look into to describe this topic in a broader, less opinionated way. Depicting only one reason for a problem can be misread as being subjective.
Your comments on infrastructure and government seem a little out of place here. I think these would be better in your other article, in fact.
Furthermore, I do not think that discussing the limitations of research on your topic on the article of that topic is worthwhile. The way I see it, your role is to provide information and facts on wikipedia. If there are holes in research, you can try and dig deeper to fill them in. If that is not possible, you should try to present the research that is available instead of discussing that there is a lack of research available.
Overall, maybe you can add more information to broaden the scope of your work. For instance, you can consider discussing NGOs/governmental initiatives to try and counteract malnutrition. What limitations exist in helping malnutrition? What has been tried but failed or worked?
Your sources seem pretty thorough and broad. I like how it ranges from street children to water pollution. This shows that you have a broad starting point for your research and now you can pick areas to zone in on and research further.
Furthermore, your sources seem very established and reliable as they are all part of scholarly journals. This is great! I suggest maybe broadening your sources away from scholarly articles as well to get new insights on the topic of malnutrition.

Section: Causes of Urbanization

After reading your notes for this section, I think it would be a good idea to rename this section something like History as you said, and discusses the cuases in that section. I feel that causes of something like urbanization fit into the history of a place as well. Thus, I feel it would be beneficial to combine the two and discuss causes from a historical perspective.

Section: Effects of Urbanization on Public Health

Firstly, after our conversation in class I think we agreed that naming this section effects would be best. I believe you could keep the name public health if you focus your section only on public related issues such as healthcare, slums, sanitation, etc. However, if you want to broaden the effects of urbanization to things like infrastructure, wages and employment, then you should keep the name as just Effects of Urbanization.
The first part of our first paragraph is discussing more causes than urbanization. I think it would be best to move this part into the previous section.
"Planet of the Slums" would be a good article to discuss here, I think it would still count in the public health category as well. This is a definite effect of urbanization that you can delve into a lot.
I think it would be good if you explain the word wasted in one sentence here as well.
Your sources seem broad and encompassing. I like how you are using research from an area that is not your focus- that can bring a lot of insight about your own area. I think it would be helpful to continue looking for more sources to expand on the points I mentioned above. After clicking on the links, all your sources seem very reliable and scholarly which is great. Maybe you can try branching out to other types of sources as well.
Additionally, the sources are very reliable as they are from scholarly journals and databases. Anyone can click on the links and see that you have done a good job in finding reliable articles.

Overall, you have done a great job synthesizing your sources and putting together facts from different articles. I think you have a great place to go from here in terms of focussing your research more but also expanding to different types of sources. Finally, your writing sounds encyclopedic and intelligent. This is a great tone to have for wikipedia. Good job! Anikakalra (talk)

Peer Review (2)

Hi Subuls! I will have a detailed review done for you tomorrow! I'm sorry for the delay :( (talk)

Subuls' Peer Review

Malnutrition

I think your lead for the section on Malnutrition is good, it's direct to the point. However, maybe an inclusion of a brief statement that states the causes of malnutrition would be useful, since the rest of your section touches upon the factors that cause malnutrition.
A sentence explaining what wasting is would be useful here, so that you don't lose the reader.
In your lead, you mention how women who are suffering from anemia are also at risk of malnutrition, perhaps explaining the correlation between anemia and malnutrition would be a good idea.
There are a couple words/concepts I believe should have a link, just because many readers may not be familiar with the term.

   -monsoon flooding 
   -dysentery

I thought maybe editing the following sentence, "This contamination affects water and food security, and also over a long time contribute to stunting and underweight measurements caused by deficiencies of nutrients lost through diarrhea, dysentery, and other water-born diseases." to "This contamination affects water and food security, in the long term, contributing to stunting and underweight measurements. Stunting is caused by deficiency of nutrients that are lost through diarrhea, dysentry and other water-born diseases."
The last paragraph under Malnutrition is interesting information to know but for the sake of Wikipedia's purpose, should not be mentioned since we are trying to inform readers of the information that is available, not about how little information we know about something.

Causes & Effects of Urbanisation

In your lead for Malnutrition, you state the issues caused by urbanisation: government, infrastructure and public health. I suggest you talk about how urbanisation plays a role among these issues.
I like your idea of changing this section to: " Effects of Urbanisation on Public Health." I think this would be the best choice, for what you are trying to convey. In relation to the previous comment, you can talk about how the government and infrastructure plays a role in public health.
I wasn't entirely sure what you were trying to say with the sentence "Much of this was caused by the loss and destruction of property - and therefore capital and financial stability - during the migrations." My understanding is that the destruction of property causes financial instability which then causes a flow of migration? Maybe rewording this sentence would be helpful.
The following sentences contain minimal errors, I will italicize the word(s) that should be added:

  -"Additionally, this rapid movement to and from overcrowding of cities has led to the emergence of slums, now n as the "katchi abadis" in Karachi."
  -"The infrastructure cannot support the population size in urban areas. And in the rural areas, plumbing and wells often cannot be afforded, leading to water contamination.

Overall, you have great info and think you can definitely add a bit more on the effects of urbanisation in relation to the issues it arises in public health, through government and infrastructure.
I would suggest going with the second title because I feel that it relates more to your area and sector.

Valgall (talk) 02:14, 19 March 2018 (UTC)Valgall[reply]

Peer Review for Anika

Hi Subul! When will you finish writing up my peer review by? The draft is due tomorrow so I was just wondering! Thanks Anikakalra (talk)