User talk:Seeplain/draft bio

Review

As it is, this article fits a newspaper or a professional journal, and it is not very encyclopedic. This is expressed in the style of the quotations, for example, and in the usage of phrases such as "a critic of our traffic control system which he says is inefficient etc." or "Context is all."

A biographical article should first describe the person - where and when he was born, what and where he studied, etc. For example, the current draft doesn't mention the fact that Cassini is a "Producer and film maker" (according to http://www.ecoplan.org/briefs/general/panel.htm ), which is quite relevant, because i would expect that someone who has ideas about traffic lights would be a civil engineer. (I am not saying that a person who is not a civil engineer cannot be a critic of traffic lights, but the critic's background should be clearly stated.)

So, as it is, this draft article is a "coatrack", according to Wikipedia jargon. I do think that this person deserves a biographical article, but it should be biographical, and shouldn't give so much space to his ideas and opinions. Some of the descriptions of Cassini's ideas can probably go to the article Shared space. I am not an expert on the topic, though, so i can't decide how to split it up.

Another bit of criticism is that there are a lot of links to "No one can hear you scream". One is enough, although i am not sure which one should be left. --Amir E. Aharoni (talk) 10:45, 4 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Very useful initial comments, thanks! I will ponder and produce a rewrite, and meanwhile look forward to any other proposed edits. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Seeplain (talk • contribs) 11:40, 4 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]