User talk:Ni up092/sandbox

Some items are bolded, are they supposed to be links?
"... pioneered the use of psychoanalysis with emotionally disturbed youth." Maybe instead of "with" you could say "to treat" ? "With" makes it sound like the pioneering was done with the help of emotionally disturbed youth.
Is it standard to abbreviate World War I to WWI and World War II to WWII?
"She was a nurse during WWI and just before WWII her family moved to the Netherlands." Add comma after "WWI".
"In order to avoid the Nazi’s due to the fact they are Jewish, they went into hiding." Phrasing? Maybe, "Because they were Jewish, they went into hiding to avoid Nazi persecution," or something?
Also, tenses change

"They survived due to false papers and..." -- comma before "and"
The previous sentence is compound, but the two parts of it don't seem very closely related. Maybe either consider splitting this sentence into two or reword the two parts to match up a little bit more?
"Starting from 1929 Anny ..." comma before Anny
"Here she conducted consultations on sexual conflicts and neuroses, and began to specialize in child analysis." don't need comma
"When she was in Austria and the Netherlands, she proved to be a great asset in building and systemizing child analysis." This seems a little like an opinion or like a positive bias?
"Anny Katan-Rosenberg emigrated to the Netherlands" immigrated?
"In 1946 Anny Katan-Rosenberg once again emigrated to a new country, the USA." immigrated, also phrasing?
"She was a member of the Detroit Psychoanalytic Society, and was a founding member of the Cleveland Psychoanalytic Society, founded in 1957." don't need comma before and
"for working with behavioral, hard to educate, children." behavioral children? maybe children with behavioral challenges?
"Her father Dr. Ludwig and her uncle, Oskar Rie are both pediatricians exposing Anny to child care at an early age" phrasing and tenses change?
"Together they had one child named, Annemarie Angrist and Anny also had a son from a previous marriage names, Klaus Angel." comma before and, also names --> named
"He was a huge influential thinker whose work still has an impact of studies today." opinion? also colloquial
"For Anny Katan-Rosenberg, a future psychoanalyst, being close family friends with the Freud family was highly influential." elaborate on this, did she say this?
Mauritis Katan section: is this totally relevant, should he have his own section?
"Her work’s lasting impact / Legacy" title sounds a little odd, maybe rephrase?
Sometimes you refer to her as Anny, other times as Katan or Katan-Rosenberg, it might be good to choose one and stick with it
The way you sectioned the content is good and makes a lot of sense, but sometimes it seems like reordering the sections might be better? Like childhood and family might be good as the first section. Also specialty doesn't seem totally necessary since you talk about her specialty a lot throughout the article.

Borrowed flannel (talk) 00:15, 28 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Is there more info you could put in the information box (perhaps look at the wikipedia template for the box)
Because Wikipedia is an academic and neutral source, you shouldn't use only a first name to refer to a person. Either a last name or first then last (you can look at other pages across Wikipedia to see examples
The Influences section mentions Freud, but just gives a quick synopsis of what he did. There is a whole wikipedia page for that, perhaps just a half sentence of introduction and then talk about how he influenced your person
Similarly, Mauritis Katan is given a short biography but his actual influence on her work isn't fully explained
The death, speciality, and education sections seem very short and might not deserve their own heading. Perhaps combine them with other sections
You link to anti-fascist movements in the her work/achievements section, but that page links to a general overview of anti-fascism when you seem to be referencing about a specific movement in a country
The last section begins with "Since she specialized in child analysis..." which isn't bad, but doesn't read like a normal encyclopedia entry would. Maybe instead start with something like "Anny Katan-Rosenberg used her expertice in child analysis to help her..."
In childhood and family section it starts with "Anny Katan-Rosenberg is..." but she is dead so the verb should be "was." This use of tense is used repeatedly throughout
The comma after Ohio in the death section seems unnecessary
In childhood and family section there is another example of the tenses not matching up as you talk about an event that happened over 100 years ago but say "are both pediatricians exposing..." That sentence also has weird comma use as only the name of the uncle has commas and they aren't even around the entire name to partition it from the rest of the sentence.

0012NortheasternStudent (talk) 07:08, 28 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]