User talk:McKennaRose/sandbox

Some changes that could be made: - Outcomes Section

  - bring language down to an every person level.  Right now it has the feel of reading a scholarly article, not a wiki page. 
  - cut out the Fluff language, just state the facts (state the long/short term effects  - maybe make it two subsecitons under?)

- Social Acceptance

  - don't write it like a scholarly paper (again) 
  - cut out the "more or less" - it's to ambiguous

- Tactics section

  - add links in this section (I saw the numbers at the end, I am guessing those are the sources, just remember to make them live on the actual article)

Overall Changes - get rid of a lot of fluff language (if the sentence can be the same without a few words, cut them out) - add links to other wiki articles in the paper to integrate it into Wiki world Polster.takala (talk) 16:49, 18 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Feedback

Appreciative of the "Potential Changes" section that's pre-existing, as it appears there's an understanding of what sections deserve attention along with what needs to be added or fixed. The "Tactics" section is well developed and looks great from a detailed standpoint. I'd add more to the "Antecedent Success" section, as it appears short where more information and/or subsections can be included. Other than that, the article looks like it's coming together very well. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Kylepopo (talk • contribs) 15:47, 21 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]