User talk:Lizzyrubin/sandbox

draft comments

Hi @Lizzyrubin: I'm providing online support for your class at UMD and I had a few comments on your draft:

• I've got a few sources which you might want to use:
  • this covers The Executioner in some detail. JSTOR 488047 (p 165) and JSTOR 41389069 (p. 39) both mention its use in an experimental film called the All-Round Reduced Personality/Redupers. I'm not sure it needs to be in the article, but it's sort of interesting!
• "Although she received a lot of critique for her film by those that viewed it." This is something of an odd statement. What source are we summarizing for this? What sort of criticism did she receive? Take a look for statements like that in your draft and imagine how a critical reader might approach them.
• "She still presently generates various works of art..." I think this could be written more simply as "She still creates..." (as "still" makes "presently" a bit redundant)
• "Some of her most famous pieces include..." I'm not seeing a reference to her other works in the source cited for this statement. Remember that when we use inline citations on wikipedia the reader expects to be able to verify the claims we're making using our cited sources. That source can support the statement that Marriage has been displayed in a museum. You may append that citation to one specific bullet point in that list if you like.
• "After moving to Denmark with her husband, Henning Christiansen..." I think your third source will be helpful in expanding this paragraph (it notes various groups she was involved with in Denmark and specific activities)--we need not list everything noted in the source (we're summarizing, after all) but some more detail may be helpful.
• I would take a look at Janise Yntema as an example of formatting and structure for an article like this. I think you're mostly there, but a few terms can be "wikilnked" like Trier and Royal Danish Academy of Fine Arts.

All in all I think the article is off to a good start. Let me know if you have any questions regarding the above or anything else. Thanks! Adam (Wiki Ed) (talk) 21:42, 4 November 2014 (UTC)

I've formatted one citation for you, with the name="CLARA" - and other places in the article that uses that source can now have a short citation tag of <ref name="CLARA" /> The second citation has a couple of fields to be completed and is named, too, so that you can use it's short version with the / after the name for any subsequent uses. Good start!--CaroleHenson (talk) 03:25, 10 November 2014 (UTC)