User talk:Kmbio/Idiosepius paradoxus

Outline Feedback

This is a great start overall! The ideas flow naturally from one section to the next. I think the main headers are organized nicely, and my suggestions are mostly about how ideas are organized in the subsections.

In the sections titled "Description", "Distribution and Habitat" and "Diet", I would only present information that is not relevant to reproduction, and reserve info on reproduction for the section later on. Even though the main objective of this course is to learn about the sex and mating, it is helpful to Wikipedia readers for the article to provide other general information about the organism. It is okay if you add some sections that are not about reproduction. In the Distribution and Habitat section, it is a good idea to talk about sex differences in the habitats that they use, but sexual dimorphisms related to reproductive anatomy and behavior should be reserved for the mating section. I suggest renaming the "Description" section with a more precise title like "Appearance".

I suggest renaming the "Mating/Reproduction" section to "Reproduction and Sexual Selection". I think the Anatomy subsection can be incorporated into the following two subsections. So, the anatomy of primary sexual traits involved in gamete production and fertilization can be discussed as you talk about those topics in the copulation and spawning section, and then secondary sexual characteristics related to mate competition and cryptic mate choice should be incorporated into the next subsection. I agree that the copulation and spawning section helps set the reader up to learn about cryptic female choice. Are there any pre-copulatory processes that are important for mate competition, like courtship, or aggression within sexes? If so, it would help to make another subsection on "Pre-copulatory mate competition" before the cryptic female choice section.

Nice job overall, excited for the final article! Elioeilish (talk) 18:16, 28 February 2023 (UTC)

Peer Review 1

Global: Defining certain mollusc-specific terms (such as noting that buccal mass is a type of mouthpart) would be helpful. Try to link terms that already have Wikipedia articles (e.g. polyandry, demersal zone, etc, and include a brief definition after using the term). You have a very well-detailed article that adds a lot of information over what's currently on Wikipedia, so that's very good.

Local: I would move the sentence "Transfer of sperm to an external location on the female's body makes I. paradoxus a good species for studying cryptic female choice, with the processes involved being more easily observable than in other species" either to the end of the paragraph, or even to another paragraph or subsection about this species' use in studying cryptic female choice. The bulk of this section should be about the biological processes of mating. Also, the text should be more subjective. Rather than saying "I. paradoxus is a good species for studying cryptic female choice", you could word it as "I. paradoxus has been used in studies of cryptic female mating because the females' transfer of sperm to an external location on their body makes the process more easily observable than in other species." EileenPlants (talk) 21:07, 20 March 2023 (UTC)

Thank you for your feedback! I appreciate your ideas to improve my article. I explain how I incorporated your ideas below.

Global: I went through and hyperlinked as many terms as I could that may be unfamiliar to a reader, including many anatomical terms such as buccal mass as you suggested. This should clear up any confusion and allow readers to conveniently learn more about cephalopod/squid-specific or evolution-specific terms they are unfamiliar with in order to better understand the article in its entirety. I think this addition will allow for deeper understanding of cryptic female choice in I. paradoxus, which is the goal.

Local: You mention that the section in which you found the sentence "Transfer of sperm to an external location on the female's body..." should be about the biological processes of mating. However, the sentence is in my focal section on cryptic female choice. The paragraph above that one titled "Copulation and Spawning" has more information on how mating occurs so that the paragraph on cryptic female choice has context. Due to this, I did not move the sentence to a different paragraph since it introduces the topic of cryptic female choice. However, I did rewrite the sentence to make it more subjective as you suggested. I think this structure sounds more appropriate for Wikipedia: "I. paradoxus has been used in the study of cryptic female choice due to male sperm transfer to an external location on the female's body, making this process more easily observable than in other species." Kmbio (talk) 23:58, 4 April 2023 (UTC)

Peer Review 2

Global: This article is overall really well done! The information flows in a way that is natural and doesn't have any awkward jumps from one subject to the next. Some clarification of terms might be helpful, especially in the Appearance section. Within the D+H section, maybe swap out the phrase "possible life histories" for "recorded life histories", as 'possible' at first made me wonder if there was some debate around this. I can tell you researched everything very thoroughly, and the Reproduction section is great !

Local: I might suggest switching some phrases between your lead and D+H sections, specifically in the lead where you list which areas of the Pacific they are native to. This could be swapped with the opening sentence of D+H, i.e. "...native to the western Pacific Ocean around China, South Korea, and Japan." and then when you talk about distribution it might make more sense to list which specific parts of the ocean it inhabits. This would flow a little better, I think, and give the more detailed information later in the article as opposed to within the first few sentences. mel.mcguire (talk) 13:45, 21 March 2023 (UTC)

Thank you for your feedback! I appreciate you taking the time to read my article and provide thoughtful suggestions. Below I explain how I incorporated your ideas.

Global: Within the appearance section, I hyperlinked the following terms: mantle, nidamental glands, and dorsal. This should serve to define/clarify a few terms as you suggested. I also hyperlinked possibly unfamiliar or highly specific terms throughout the rest of the article to provide quick access to further explanations in order to supplement my article. In addition, I followed your suggestion to change the word "possible" to "recorded" when referring to life histories. I did not consider previously that this word choice may be ambiguous, so I am glad you highlighted this point of confusion as I am sure other readers may have thought the same.

Local: When I created my first draft, I tried to write my contributions around the few sentences already existing on the article page. However, I agree with your suggestion to switch the more specific distribution details from the lead to the Distribution and Habitat section, so I rearranged these sections for better flow. I underlined the portions remaining from the current article so that I can keep track of what I contribute outside of this information. Now, the specific ocean regions are listed in D+H, while the more general regions are listed in the lead as an opener. Kmbio (talk) 00:02, 5 April 2023 (UTC)

Peer Review 3

Global: I think there were several things you did well. Firstly, I think you covered a good spread of topics for this species which provides a better and wider picture. Secondly, I think you provided a good amount of citations which would provide for good verification of the facts presented. Thirdly, I think you provided a good amount of links to other topics mentioned in the article which provides opportunities for further research into related topics. I think there were some things that you could have done better. Firstly, I think you provided some paragraphs that are not really related to mating or sexual behavior. I don't know if those were part of the original article or if you are adding them, but I would try to keep the article concise. Secondly, I think you made some sections very large while others were very small so it might be a good idea to distribute the information to multiple sections to even them out.

Locally: I think there were several things you did good. I think the writing is good and shows a good understanding of the terms in the copulation and spawning section. Secondly, I think the diet section is very well described and provides a good amount of detail. There were several sections I think could be written better. Firstly, there are some sentences underlined for a reason I was not able to ascertain at the beginning of the article. It might be good to take out the underlining. Secondly, in the sentence "In this species, sperm form swarms when swimming from spermatangia to seminal receptacle." it might be a good idea to add the word "the" in between seminal and receptacle. Overall, I think you did a good job of presenting the information in the article. Ttbioclass (talk) 03:42, 11 April 2023 (UTC)

Thanks for taking the time to read my article and provide feedback!

Global: I did add background sections to give greater context on the species, but my article is supposed to be at least 750 words since I am also completing this project for my Honors capstone. I did not mention that to anyone so it was a good suggestion I would have taken if I did not need to meet a greater word count! In regard to section sizes, I purposefully kept my background sections smaller in order to place emphasis and focus on reproduction and sexual selection.

Local: In regard to the underlined sections, this was to keep track of the text from the original article. Once I move my contributions to Wikipedia, the underlining will be removed. Thanks for the reminder! In addition, I did add "the" in the sentence you mentioned, which makes more sense.

Kmbio (talk) 18:23, 30 April 2023 (UTC)

Peer Review 4

Global comment

The article does a good job of providing information about the unique features of Idiosepius paradoxus and its behavior. It is well-structured, with each section providing important information about the squid's appearance, habitat, diet, and reproductive behavior. One of the strengths of the article is its scientific language and use of specific terms, making it an informative read for anyone interested in the species. Another strength of the article is the inclusion of details about the squid's reproduction and sexual selection behavior. It provides a clear and concise description of how the squid mates and how females can choose which male(s) will have a greater opportunity to sire their offspring. However, the article could benefit from additional information about the conservation status of the species and any threats it may face. Additionally, it would be helpful to include more about the significance of this species in its ecosystem and how it interacts with other species in its habitat.

Local comment  

The article is well-organized and presents information in a clear and concise manner. It provides proper citations for the sources used to gather information. However, some sentences could be restructured for better flow and readability. For example, the sentence "In a head-to-head position, the male uses his right hectocotylus to grasp the female and point towards her arm crown externally" could be rewritten as "The male grasps the female in a head-to-head position using his right hectocotylus and points towards her arm crown externally." Overall, the article provides a good overview of Idiosepius paradoxus, but could be improved with more descriptive language. Aseb101 (talk) 05:10, 11 April 2023 (UTC)

Thanks for taking the time to read my article and provide feedback!

Global: I am glad you found the mating section to be concise and understandable. That was one of the trickiest sections to write. I agree with you that additional topics such as conservation status and species interactions would be very interesting, but I am afraid they are out of the scope of my research. There are plenty more topics that could be included on this Wikipedia article, but I mainly wanted to cover reproduction and sexual selection, so I will leave other topics to be expanded upon by other Wikipedia editors.

Local: I changed the wording of the sentence you highlighted to "The male will grasp the female in a head-to-head position using his right hectocotylus, which he also uses to point towards her arm crown externally." I agree this makes the sentence more readable.

Kmbio (talk) 18:57, 30 April 2023 (UTC)