User talk:Jzovnsg
| This user is a student editor in UCSD/Introduction_to_Policy_Analysis_(Winter) . |
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Jzovnsg, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:53, 11 February 2019 (UTC)
Draft notes
[edit]Hi! Here are my notes:
- This looks like it's focusing more specifically on the students as opposed to some of the larger things in motion causing inequality. As such, it kind of leaves a gap in the coverage.
- The lead sentence feels like it could or should be shortened somehow.
- Be careful of tone. The tone isn't bad, but you want to make sure that you're not leading the reader to see things in a specific light.
- I think that since this is a fairly large topic, you should do an outline of the major aspects of education inequality in the United States. This could help with the first note, as this would make it easier for you to see various things that impacted inequality.
- The sources are good, however I would definitely continue to look for more sourcing.
I hope that this helps! I think that you're on the right track here - this just needs more work to really make it shine. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 21:55, 5 March 2019 (UTC)