User talk:Jyoung6/sandbox
Hi! My page is still a work in progress. It is also important to note that the amount of existing research is scarce so I will continue to research to add to my page. -Jessica Young
This is Khine Mon Swe. Your article is a great job. The structure and flow of the article is very good. I think if you describe expected prognosis, it will make it better. 205.178.44.142 (talk) 03:57, 14 November 2017 (UTC)
Jessica is off to a good start!
When I began to read the first sentence it seemed like a run on so maybe split that first sentence into two.
She has the mechanism, symptoms,diagnosis, and treatment sections started so far.
I do feel like there should be a few more citations present in how much she has written so far. I only see 6.
Her use of linking words to other articles is very good.
Everything is very good and she seems to be on the right track. Only thing I would add is just more citations with references.
Shelby Gilyard — Preceding unsigned comment added by Sgilyard (talk • contribs) 18:01, 14 November 2017 (UTC)
The abstract and mechanism are off to a very great start! For your diagnosis, try and explain a step by step process on how this disease would be identified. Go into more details about the therapies needed to help with the symptoms. Don't forget about the causes and prevention and recent research section. The overall style was very well done. Good job! Eleni Kouimelis — Preceding unsigned comment added by Ekouimelis (talk • contribs) 18:15, 14 November 2017 (UTC)
- The abstract is great, except that I'm finding the line about both parents a little unclear. Could you elaborate?
- Nice mechanism write up. It's very clear. However, see if you can add some citations to the later part as well.
- Link more things! In particular, you really need to link the gene.
- In symptoms you say "many other" does that mean these are exclusive? Some of the language here is a little unclear.
- Diagnosis needs a lot more explanation.
- You don't need to introduce every paper with the year. There's some really interesting research in the last 5 years that I'd like to see included. If you're having trouble finding sources, come see me.