User talk:Jvalin95
| This user is a student editor in Seneca_College/INC301_-_The_Tangled_Web_(Fall_2018) . |
Welcome![edit]
Hello, Jvalin95, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:03, 24 September 2018 (UTC)
You have an overdue training assignment.[edit]
Please complete the assigned training modules. --Valerielopes (talk) 00:48, 8 November 2018 (UTC)
Notes[edit]
Hi! Here are my notes on your draft. My main concern deals with sourcing, to be honest.
- The sources Famous Birthdays and The Famous People aren't seen as reliable on Wikipedia because it's unclear where they pull their information from. What this means is that unfortunately anything that's attributed to those sources should not be added to the article unless they can be verified through a reliable source. The other sources look to be OK, though.
- Avoid terms like "passion for" since those have become pretty well associated with marketing people on Wikipedia. For that specific sentence I'd instead write this:
- Paul continued to post videos throughout his teenage years, as well as play high school football and wrestling.
- This avoids the term while also making it a little more different from the material on AllMusic.
- The phrase "showing interest to pursue entertainment beyond social media" needs to be re-phrased a little since it uses a quote by Paul. I'd recommend rephrasing it like this: 'as he wanted to "pursue entertainment beyond social media"'. This way, the quote is attributed.
- With the mention of Paul's YouTube issues, this needs to be re-written for a few reasons. The first is that this concerns the Thinning sequel rather than the original film. The second is that per the source, the sequel had already moved into post-production when all of the controversies started stacking up. What that essentially means is that primary filming was done and at that point it was a matter of editing the material, adding special and sound effects, and doing a few re-shoots as needed. The bulk of the filming was already completed and it's possible that all of Paul's scenes were done. The way that this is written, it makes it seem like the filming was not yet completed. As such, this material should be in the 2018 section and not the 2015-2016 one.
- I'd instead re-write this to reflect on the following facts: the sequel was announced in November 2017. Filming began in November and wrapped in December, however December was when the controversies reached its peak and the post-production was temporarily suspended in January 2018. It wasn't until this October that YouTube and Paul announced that the film was to be released.
I hope that these notes help! Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 19:50, 20 November 2018 (UTC)
Notes 2[edit]
Hi! The changes you made look good - my only true notes at this point would be to be careful of sourcing (I found that Tubefilter is an iffy source since the last time we spoke) and to be careful that the writing isn't too casual. One thing that I'd recommend would be to simplify the mention of Paul buying a house. Most of the finer details are kind of seen as too much detail for Wikipedia. I think that tweaking the sentences to read "In October 2017 Paul bought his first house, one acre property, in Encino, California for 6.55 million U.S dollars." would be good, since it gets the gist across without going into too much detail. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 21:20, 5 December 2018 (UTC)