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[edit]Hello, Jordann5225!, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:16, 18 September 2018 (UTC)
Jordann5225! (block log • active blocks • global blocks • autoblocks • contribs • deleted contribs • abuse filter log • creation log • change block settings • unblock • checkuser (log))
UTRS appeal #22916 was submitted on Oct 10, 2018 23:00:42. This review is now closed.
--UTRSBot (talk) 23:00, 10 October 2018 (UTC)
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Gwen Haworth
[edit]Minor Revisions Needed
- Good sources!
- Is it possible to expand the lead section? — Preceding unsigned comment added by TA3301 (talk • contribs) 14:34, 15 October 2018 (UTC)
- Remove "With her hard work and dedication as a filmmaker" from the last sentence of the Biography section
- Remove "They say that when someone comes out of the closet, they can't stop talking about it. Vancouver filmmaker Gwen Haworth not only talked she made a movie" from the Life & Career section
- There are several instances of promotional language in this draft, phrases like "sensitive eye," "eye-opening," and "emotionally charged" should be removed.
- All instances of She's a Boy I Knew should be italicized
- In the Life & Career section correct the pronoun use to "she/her" throughout
- There is some repetition of information in the Awards section
TA3301 (talk) 14:32, 15 October 2018 (UTC)
- Hi! I have some notes as well:
- I agree with what TA3301 wrote. I think I know why you used the male pronouns, as I think that you were trying to show that she was transitioning from Steven to Gwen, however I think it could be rephrased as something like "the film begins in 2000 when Haworth, then named Steven, came out to her family about her life-long female gender identity. The reason I think that you should use the female pronoun here is that while she was named Steven, she still identified as female. If she was using male pronouns at that point you could phrase it as "then named Steven and using male pronouns".
- This needs more sourcing to show where Gwen is independently notable outside of the documentary. The coverage here is entirely about her as it pertains to her film, so this doesn't show where she's notable for other things. On Wikipedia if a person has only gained coverage for a single work, in most cases we will have only one article, typically the film but occasionally for the work instead. With that, it depends on what is made first to be honest.
- The further readings section needed to be retitled, as further readings is used to list works that have been written about the individual and/or their works. I've retitled and moved this.
- With the award section, I'd recommend turning it into a list section. This article is written in a very, very praising tone towards Gwen. She is amazing, but the article needs to be written in a neutral tone. It's especially easy for awards sections to become promotional, so it's best to keep them as simple as possible.
- This needs some tweaking for grammar and flow.
- Ultimately the two biggest issues here are tone and notability - her documentary is undoubtedly notable, but so far it looks like this is the main thing that she has received coverage for. You need more sourcing here that shows coverage for Gwen's other works, to show where she's notable for more than just the single documentary. In cases where people are really only known for one work or thing, it's rare that there will be enough coverage to really justify an article for both them and their work. It looks like this is why the page for her was deleted and redirected to the film last year, so you will have to work especially hard to establish independent notability or any new article will just be redirected to the documentary article as creating new articles after a deletion is a bit harder. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 13:51, 16 October 2018 (UTC)
Notes
[edit]Hi! I wanted to explain some of the changes I've made.
- First, I removed the following sentence:
- Haworth not only has worked towards many goals, but has fulfilled her true self identity into being someone she has always wanted to be, as each stepping stone in the process of transitioning becomes an opportunity to explore her community's and our own underlying assumptions about gender and sexuality.
- This had tone issues and would need to be re-written in order to fit the NPOV guidelines on Wikipedia. It's just a little too praising and can also be seen as a personal opinion, as it comes across as being written by a specific person, whereas Wikipedia should not come across as being written by a single person. The article still has some issues with this as a whole, so definitely be careful. You don't want it to come across as non-neutral or as an interpretation of Haworth's life and career. Remember: we can only include what has been explicitly stated in the source material.
- I'm still a little concerned that the independent sourcing is still so heavily focused on Haworth's She's a Boy I Knew. This article is a bit of an unusual situation since there was formerly an article on Haworth, however the article was deleted in about the last year, with the argument that she wasn't independently notable outside of She's a Boy I Knew. I think that it may be good to look into seeing whether or not the article for the documentary could be merged/redirected to an eventual article on Haworth, as the documentary is very much about Haworth and her life. Juliancolton, what do you think about this? The documentary would have its own subsection if this is possible.
- It looks like Haworth is active as an advocate, so there should be more information about this as well.
Let me know if you have any questions! Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 14:55, 19 October 2018 (UTC)
Barnstar
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The LGBT Barnstar | |
| Good job on continuing to work on and improving the article on Gwen Haworth! Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:45, 5 November 2018 (UTC) |