User talk:Jermennn H/sandbox

Winter Hermida's Peer Review

To start, the best parts of the article have to do with the information supplied in the paragraphs. Everything is straight to the point, with zero fillers that stray the reader away from the topic itself. Citations are placed where they are needed. However, I believe the sentences could use a better flow to them rather than harsh stops throughout the entire paragraph. Of course avoiding run on sentences is necessary and encouraged, but a lot of the full stops throughout the paragraph makes it slightly odd to read. Going through the whole thing is simple, but it would be nice to have more harmonious sentences.

Furthermore, you could have more citations throughout the information because each paragraph only has one citation to support the entire subject. I believe about two to three citations per paragraph is a good amount in order to show the reader that you have a lot of evidence to back up the information. Even if it's just describing visual appearance, it would be nice to see more credible sources so that the person visiting the Wikipedia article can see just how important this topic is to the cultures mentioned. And with some of your sentences, they make claims that lack the source to back it up. For instance, when you wrote, "Over the years this has been issue because it has caused many skin diseases for many individuals," there was no source to confirm this. A lot of people might not know about this issue, even if other people do. Try to cite as much as you can on the boldest of your statements, otherwise it will look like you are taking information from your personal knowledge. However, the sources you chose are very good and more sources that are similar would really balance the wikiarticle out.

Another good thing is the neutral standpoint. There is no evidence that you are choosing one side or another, but instead you are describing the topic without any personal influence. It's good to keep yourself out of your articles so readers don't experience any outside influence. There's also no trace of you speaking on behalf of a group of people, which is really nice to see. You're just being honest about the topic without persuasion.

Overall this project looks very interesting and it would be something I would be interested in reading about if I wanted to learn something new. Good job! — Wherm001 (talk) 02:04, 24 May 2019 (UTC)