User talk:Hwalker21/sandbox

Evan's Peer Review

You have a very interesting topic here. It is honestly surprising to me that there isn't more information on the subject out there. Your lead section is very good and sets a precedent for what should be expected for the rest of the work. I was particularly impressed with how you managed to maintain an impression of neutrality on such a salient issue. Your use of passive voice helped with that a ton. As far as balanced coverage, it would be cool to see more about Brown V. Board of education as it is more or less the application of the principle that you are describing. However, you aren't done, and I imagine that is part of your plan. Your use of Law Reviews and legal journals also adds a lot to your work. Such sources give more legitimacy to what you are saying.

As far as other significant improvements, the biggest things I saw were more technical. For example, I am pretty positive (and it is possible that I am wrong, but I am pretty sure that I am not), superscripts denoting a source citation come after the period of a sentence, not before. All of your superscripts were between the last word in a sentence and the period. Also, you consistently capitalize "Blacks" in the first paragraph. Again, I may be wrong, but I am pretty sure that isn't a proper noun. In any case, I personally prefer the term "black people" to blacks. I just feel that using the term "blacks" attributes identity to a color rather than an individual. It just never sat right with me, but this is just one man's opinion.

Finally, in the last paragraph, you use the terms "brown" and "Brown v. Board" interchangeably leading a reader to potentially believe they are two different things. If I were you, I would choose one and stick with it. Overall though, this article is very well written that navigates a difficult issue from a position of neutrality...which is pretty cool.