User talk:Hondaporsh24/sandbox
Feedback
[edit]
@Hondaporsh24, Rschocke, Paige MU, and Achem10: Nice work on your article draft, but it doesn't seem to be quite finished.
- You don't have a lead section. Wikipedia articles should being with a lead section that summarizes all the main points of the article. See pages 7-9 in the Editing Wikipedia brochure.
- You have a bullet point "Introduction of the disease". Do you plan to add this?
- You can't start a section by simply saying "It was first described..."; you would begin with something like "Bing–Neel syndrome was first described by..." Overall, your tone isn't what you'd normally find in an encyclopedia article.
- You can't use long quotes like this: "intrathecal chemotherapy with several cycles of systemic chemotherapy followed by autologous stem cell-supported high-dose therapy transplant. The patient discontinued all treatment in 2009 and was still asymptomatic by the time a follow-up report was published in 2013.” Quotes should be kept to a minimum, and only used if the precise wording use in the source substantially improves the reader's understanding.
You probably shouldn't be using that source anyway - your sources need to be consistent with WP:MEDRS. You should be using recent review articles, not articles that report the results on experiments or case studies.
- That same section includes the following
Although this is an effective treatment to do, penetrating the blood-brain barrier can cause side effects due to the toxicity in the nervous system. These would include dizziness, confusion, and changes in mental status. Another form could be the use of pharmaceuticals such as Fludarabine, Cladribine, Bendamustine, and Ibrutinib, which have all shown positive effects for treatment.
For starters, this is completely unsourced - that's a very big problem when you're talking about treatment options. In addition, you shouldn't be discussing treatment options like this at all unless you're a licensed medical practitioner. You can describe treatments that are used, but you absolutely have to source the descriptions to high-quality sources. And just report what the sources say, both good and bad. Don't give advice. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 01:13, 1 April 2017 (UTC)