User talk:Hgalbo/sandbox

Copyedit an Article

I don't see any record of you doing this assignment. If you still intend to do it, you have a week to catch up. Josef Horáček (talk) 19:36, 12 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

I see you did some copyediting, but your changes didn't really improve the article. There are some blatant grammar errors in that article - should be easy to work on if you give yourself the time to read over it. If you want to work on it, do it by Mar. 3. Josef Horáček (talk) 13:51, 26 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Adding Sources

Your sources look fine. Go ahead and add them to the article. Josef Horáček (talk) 19:36, 12 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

When you initially added your sources, someone removed your Offbeat reference because it was added in the wrong place. You must add it at the end of the sentence that contains the info you're supporting with the source, not at the beginning of the paragraph like you did. When you came back to the article more recently, you just added a second reference to the Encyclopedia. The Offbeat article is still not included. If you want to add it, do it by Mar. 3. Josef Horáček (talk) 14:04, 26 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

The Lead

Rather than describing what the article contains, you should summarize the actual information. Only focus on the essentials. For example, leave out the countries other than the U.S. - the article doesn't really contain enough about them. That's the article's flaw, which you won't be able to fix with your lead. The only good part is the last sentence of your lead - keep that one.

I recommend deleting your first paragraph entirely. In the second paragraph, delete "...the article explains in each different category, how..." in the opening sentence. Then, summarize a few of the major facts of the specific health effects of smoking on women.

The phrase "the tobacco industry" should be in the singular everywhere.

You have three days to post a revised lead. Josef Horáček (talk) 04:15, 22 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

The lead is better now, but you added it in the wrong place. It goes at the very top, with no header. Also, United States should be capitalized! Make the changes by Mar. 3. Josef Horáček (talk) 14:10, 26 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]