User talk:Hfrenz001
| This user is a student editor in Butte_College/English_2_(Fall_2018) . |
Welcome
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Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Hfrenz001, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 14:55, 10 September 2018 (UTC)
Notes
[edit]Hi! I have some notes for your draft.
- The first thing is that you have too many quotes in your proposed section. You can use quotes, but they should be used minimally.
- This also needs to be summarized more - this is very long and should really only be about a paragraph long. So for example, it could be summarized like this:
- Stories collected by The Forgiveness Project follow multiple themes that the Project states "provide a framework to these forgiveness stories, adding a dimension to the narrative of hate, hurt, and healing." These themes are feeling pain and anger, being curious, forgiving yourself, developing empathy, seeking revenge, transforming hate, and making meaning. The Forgiveness Project believes that analyzing the themes "shows that while forgiveness is not a linear process, and seldom a one-off event, nevertheless certain qualities and values feature in most of the stories."
- You can use and adapt from this as necessary, of course. You could also still perhaps do a bullet point and showcase it like this:
- Stories collected by The Forgiveness Project follow multiple themes that the Project states "provide a framework to these forgiveness stories, adding a dimension to the narrative of hate, hurt, and healing." The Project describes these themes as follows:
- Feeling pain and anger: Forgiveness does not mean no longer feeling pain or anger.
- (other themes listed, followed by the description on the main themes page)
- Stories collected by The Forgiveness Project follow multiple themes that the Project states "provide a framework to these forgiveness stories, adding a dimension to the narrative of hate, hurt, and healing." The Project describes these themes as follows:
- This would be a bit longer, but would be OK if you feel that there needs to be more explanation. We don't have to put the bullet points into quotation marks because they're attributed by the sentence preceding this.
- Finally, be very careful about tone. This is one of the other reasons why quotes should be used sparingly, as many times a project, company, or person will not be neutral in how they cover themselves or what they do. While it's most certainly not intended, the quotes here just made the section seem like it was promoting the Project.
Now that the notes are over, I do want to commend you on noticing that this needed to be added. The themes are definitely important to what TFP is doing, so some mention of them should be in the page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 21:01, 17 October 2018 (UTC)
response for notes
[edit]/* Notes */ I took your suggestions and put most quotes into my own words still sighting them as well as the ones i left into quotes.Hfrenz001 (talk) 19:54, 21 October 2018 (UTC)