User talk:Haze2332/sandbox

Peer Review

This draft does a great job of reorganizing sections and creating subsections. The article layout is much clearer and the addition of the picture is very nice, but there is still work to be done.

Major points: The intro is very technical, especially for an intro. Either simplify it or link words to their respective Wiki articles if they exist.

The rest of the article is also pretty technical, particularly the third paragraph of the Calcium Concentration Regulation section. Try to make the language more Wikipedia-friendly.

The second and fourth paragraphs of the Calcium Concentration Regulation section have no citations so that needs to be added.

Minor points: Organization has been improved from the original article, but creating smaller sub-sections may help with organization and clarification of the topic.

Amadell (talk) 20:18, 18 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Peer review

Major points:

I see that you have created a new section for the existing intro. Are you going to replace the current intro with your own version?
Although there is much emphasis on reducing the technicality in our articles, sometimes I feel that it might be unavoidable. Instead, I suggest that you shift the balance of the content so that the more technical and difficult parts come later, if possible. I think that will promote readability for beginners in the field.

Minor points:

Check some of your linking. For example, "calcium influx" and "Orai 1" are highlighted red.
Just in case if you do not already know, you can use the "wrap text around" function under editing image, under advanced settings. This will help better integrate the picture into your writing.

Overall, it looks good! Aaronujl (talk) 22:33, 19 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]