User talk:Halbero/sandbox

draft comments

Hey Halbero, I'm providing support for your class at UMD and I had a few comments on your draft:

Breaking the draft up into sections is good. When you've got a handle on what the article will cover I recommend taking a look at our manual of style on the "lead" for what the first paragraph should look like. Even a relatively short article can benefit from a paragraph or so of summary at the top, covering the key points in the article itself. You can take a look at Janise Yntema for an example of a pretty good lead for a short article.
It's not much but there's a passing mention of the subject in JSTOR 4172876 (p. 63) (it does give a date for her retirement from acting)
Though it won't help with expansion, I'd recommend that you condense some of the acting sections a bit to summarize her work over various periods rather than listing performances (I realize the format is mostly carried over from the existing article). It's a bit tough as a lot of the sources cover her stage career but I think it will help readers navigate the article a bit better.

A couple of other things to consider:

There are several sources that say that her year of birth was 1758: Lord Byron, Oxford DNB, The British Museum, and Authority control sources (click on the links in the Authority control box now at the bottom of the sandbox page)
You've done a great job with adding sections and performing some copy edits of the article, which was copied from the Knight / DNB article in the public domain. I agree with Adam about summarizing her career, and you may want to put her roles in a list in a "Works" section. There's also some additional information in this book.
There are some images of Kemble in commons that you may want to add to the article, one or two of your favorites / discussed in the article, follow the format from [[:File:Mrs Priscilla Kemble (1756–1845) by Bertie Greatheed.jpg|thumb|Bertie Greatheed, Priscilla Kemble, 1830]], where the filename is the name of the image record at commons - and the words after "|thumb|" are the caption.

I've made some edits to the article, mostly minor Wikipedia formatting. I hope this helps!--CaroleHenson (talk) 06:07, 7 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]