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User talk:ErrantX/Essays/Down the rabbit hole

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Hi mate, nice work, and I can readily sympathise with the issue, as I'm sure many others can... ;-) I copyedited but there are a couple of bits I'm still not sure about expression-wise:

  • "While older works contain inaccuracies through the lack of declassified sources, or narrow viewpoints (Mure, for example, was a close friend of Dudley Clarke and idolises him in Master of Deception). Pick any article..." -- the first sentence seems incomplete (the "While" at the start implies there's more to come after the Master of Deception mention).
  • "With the wars we are most fortunate, it produced..." -- "wars" should be clarified, and the plural is incompatible with "it"; did you mean "the world wars" and "they", or just "the Second World War" and "it", or something else again?

Tks for the submission! Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 00:05, 12 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I had a fiddle :) should look better now. --Errant (chat!) 00:41, 13 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
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