User talk:Emilymorse22/sandbox
Hi Emily! I'm Adriana, thanks for letting me practice on your page! Aimende (talk) 03:35, 2 February 2017 (UTC)
Rough Draft Edit Review Mbrooke2997 (talk) 02:46, 29 March 2017 (UTC)
[edit]Time Well Spent[edit | edit source] From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (Underlined: text already there)
Time Well Spent is an organization which advocates that people be aware of how commercial interests design mobile devices to capture as much attention as possible without regard to how using these devices in this way may reduce the quality of life for individuals and society. With today's society becoming more and more dependent on technology for day to day activities, such as communication, issues have risen regarding what is ethical, and what is not, in this new technological sphere. Most people use technology with the intention to make their lives easier(Many individuals' goal for technology is to make their life easier.) However, the commercial companies that design these devices often have a much different intention (goal): to increase the use of their device, regardless of the consequences(,) . These such consequences include a possible reduction in the quality of life for members of society who engage with such devices. (which include a possible reduction in the quality of life of members of society).
Former Google employeeTristan Harris founded the project to raise awareness about the intentional design to make consumer technology addictive. James Williams, who also dedicates his time to focusing on the ethics of technology design, co-founded the movement.[1] They both want to spread awareness and talk about the aspects of technology that are often ignored; (,) such as attention and distraction and their effects on the user.[2]
The average person checks their phone approximately 150 times a day.[3] This in itself is evidence that society has become addicted to technology; (,) and even more simply that individuals in society spend a lot of time during the(a) day using technology. Harris has said that his goal in founding Time Well Spent is to convince the technology industry to bring "ethical design" to its products. [4] He says that (often people are) 'people are often unaware of it, but that persuasive , psychology principles are used in developing and designing technology in order to control how people use the product.[5] The goal of these companies is to keep the public on their devices for as long as they can, because these companies "make more money the more time people spend [on the product].[6]
The organization encourages designers and companies to respect users time and to create products which have as an end goal something other than maximizing use of products to sell advertising. There are multiple ways that technology industries try(tries) to maximize use of their products: by using an intermittent variable reward system, causing people to fear missing something important, increasing the desire for social approval, strengthening the need to reciprocate others' gestures, and interrupting individuals' daily activities to alert them of a notification.[7] Technology parallels slot machines, in that both use intermittent variable rewards to increase addiction.[8] According to Harris, companies have a responsibility to reduce this effect, through techniques such as increasing the predictability of the designs and eliminating the intermittent variable rewards all together. These companies should be considering how their devices may reduce the quality of life for individuals, rather than' (that) just how to profit from making their products more addictive. The organization itself strives to raise awareness of these particular issues and encourage companies to adjust the design of their products in ways that will increase quality of life for those individuals with (will) the product. While the tactics of these technological companies do successfully accomplish their goal, Harris explains that the process through which these goals are accomplished is unethical.
After beginning to spread his ideas about the ethics of technological design through the community at Google, Harris adopted the title "product philosopher," where he researched how the company could incorporate ethical design.[9] Harris left his position at Google in December of 2015 to focus on his mission to raise awareness and foster change.[10] Time Well Spent has been supported by influential names in the field, such as Sherry Turkle, Scott Heiferman, and Justin Rosenstein. Through Time Well Spent, Harris hopes to mobilize support software that incorporates core values, most importantly that help (of helping) us spend our time well,[11] which is an attempt to combat technology addiction and increase quality of life.
Changes I made are shown by: Bolded and italicized = added additions (parentheses show what the bolded and italicized is replacing)
-Overall, I think that this is written like an encloypedia. I think that you captured a sense of what this article was missing. Everything you added was on topic and flowed. I think you just had some grammatical problems that can be easily fixed. Good Job! Mbrooke2997 (talk) 02:45, 29 March 2017 (UTC)
Bold = Additions/revisions, Parentheses= deletions
Time Well Spent is an organization which advocates that people be aware of how commercial interests design mobile devices to capture as much attention as possible without regard to how using these devices in this way may reduce the quality of life for individuals and society. With today's society becoming more and more dependent on technology for day to day activities, (such as communication,) issues (have risen) regarding what is considered ethical, and what is not, have arisen in this new technological sphere. (Many individuals' goal for technology is to make their life easier.) The goal of today's technological advancements has provided a new way of life for those lucky enough to experience their useful components-- one that aims to make lives easier and more effective. (However,) The commercial companies that design these devices, however, often have a different goal. Regardless of the consequences, these companies want to see an increase in the use of their devices, even if that means (: to increase the use of their device, regardless of the consequences, which include) a possible reduction in the quality of life of members of society.
Former Google employee Tristan Harris founded the project to raise awareness about the intentional design to make consumer technology addictive. James Williams, who also dedicates his time to focusing on the ethics of technology design, co-founded the movement.[1] They want to spread awareness and talk about the aspects of technology that are often ignored, such as attention, (and) distraction, and their effects on the user.[2]
The average person checks their phone approximately 150 times a day.[3] This in itself is evidence that society has become addicted to technology, and even more simply that individuals in society spend a lot of time a day using technology. Harris has said that his purpose(goal) in founding Time Well Spent is to convince the technology industry to bring "ethical design" to its products. [4] He says that (often) people are often unaware (of it), but that persuasive psychology principles are used in developing and designing technology in order to control how people use the product.[5] The goal of these companies is to keep the public on their devices for as long as they can, because these companies "make more money the more time people spend [on the product]."[6]
The organization encourages designers and companies to respect the users time and to create products which have as an end goal something other than maximizing use of products to sell advertising. There are multiple ways in which the technological sector(that technology) tries to maximize use of their products: (by) using an intermittent variable reward system, causing people to fear missing something important, increasing the desire for social approval, strengthening the need to reciprocate others' gestures, and interrupting individuals' daily activities to alert them of a notification.[7] Technology parallels slot machines, in that both use intermittent variable rewards to increase addiction.[8] According to Harris, companies have a responsibility to reduce this effect(,) through techniques such as increasing the predictability of the designs and eliminating the intermittent variable rewards all together. These companies should be considering how their devices may reduce the quality of life for individuals, rather that just how to profit from making their products more addictive. The organization itself strives to raise awareness of these particular issues and encourages companies to adjust the design of their products in ways that will (increase) enhance quality of life for those individuals (will) with the product. While the tactics of these technological companies do successfully accomplish their goal, Harris explains that the process through which these goals are accomplished is unethical.
After beginning to spread his ideas about the ethics of technological design through the community at Google, Harris adopted the title "product philosopher," where he researched how the company could incorporate ethical design.[9] Harris left his position at Google in December of 2015 to focus on (his mission to raise) raising awareness and fostering change.[10] Time Well Spent has been supported by influential names in the field, such as Sherry Turkle, Scott Heiferman, and Justin Rosenstein. Through Time Well Spent, Harris hopes to mobilize support software that incorporates core values not only as a path to spending our time well, but also as (most importantly that of helping us spend our time well,[11] is) an attempt to combat technological(technology) addiction and increase quality of life. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Ecgree6 (talk • contribs) 16:12, 29 March 2017 (UTC)
Emily,
You made some really useful and insightful additions to the article. You filled in some gaps and provided necessary, additional information on some topics that were already talked about. Yet, your article really stands out in its ability to clearly present new facts in an encyclopedic tone. Remember to try to keep your opinion and voice out of the piece as much as possible. Overall, I really enjoyed reading this article and you're definitely headed in the right direction! Well Done! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Ecgree6 (talk • contribs) 16:45, 29 March 2017 (UTC)
Responding to Rough Draft Edits
[edit]User:Mbrooke2997 -- These edits will be extremely helpful in improving the overall quality of my article. She helped me fix small grammar mistakes that I carelessly missed, and helped improve the structure of my sentences. I will make sure to implement these changes and make sure that my grammar is better when I add more sentences to my final draft!
User:Ecgree6 -- This review pointed out that I need to be careful to keep my opinion and voice out of the piece, which I will make sure to do as I edit and add to my final draft. These specific edits also helped improve the quality of my sentences, making the article more formal and clear. Both of these reviews will help me finalize my draft and work to make it as professional, and encyclopedic, as possible. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Emilymorse22 (talk • contribs) 20:19, 3 April 2017 (UTC)
Instructor Comments
[edit]Hi Emily -- You did a really nice job here! I didn't read all the copyediting changes your peers suggested, but I agree that it could use a once-over for sentence-level changes. I also agree with Evan's comment about tone--it's not a widespread issue, but there was one place where this struck me when you talk about the number of times we check our phones being evidence for our technological addiction. I also think there is some repetition throughout the article that should be reduced -- organizing the article into discrete sections will help with this (hopefully it will help make clear where there is repetition and where the statements should belong). Perhaps an intro section (paragraph 1), a "Founders" section (paragraphs 2 and 5), a "Background" section (paragraph 3), and maybe a section called "What the Company Does" (paragraph 4)? These are just suggestions, but they seem pretty accurate for the content. Organize the draft into sections, do some copyediting, and fix some of the redundancy and it will be ready to move over -- let's read through it together and move it over at our meeting if you have these changes done by then! --Jmstew2 (talk) 01:21, 4 April 2017 (UTC)