User talk:Echowisp
| This user is a student editor in University_of_Chicago/Censorship_and_Information_Control_During_Information_Revolutions_(Autumn) . |
Joseph Marques' review of your Censorship in New Zealand Draft
[edit]Lead section: I rather like your lead section. The only thing I would change would be to (maybe?) add something about the early censorship information you're adding, beyond just the "many iterations".
Structure: I can't really think of a better way to organize the sections that what you seem to be proposing. (So long as the Early Censorship section goes before the post 1986 stuff.) I feel like your notable cases section should go within the Selected Cases section already on the page.
Balance: I feel like you might want to add to or at least clean up the Policy Shift section, as it seems lacking compared to your nice Early Censorship section.
Neutrality: The entire last sentence of the policy shift about suicide seems a little bit leading (and is missing any citations). Otherwise, I have no problems with tone in the article.
Sources: Your sources seem to be of high quality (or at least, I think they're better than mine). But you really need to cite them more frequently. You have no citations in your lead section. You also seem to cite your high quality sources only about once a paragraph in the other sections you're writing.
Overall, I thought your Early Censorship section was especially well done. Pepper in a few more citations for each sentence specifically and I think you'll be basically ready to go. The only other thing I would add is that some of the existing sections on the page also need your helping hand.
(Also, your link to the Film, Video, and Publications Act of 1993 is broken, both in your draft and in the original article.)