User talk:Dmgq6b/sandbox

Nice start! You might find helpful a couple of chapters in the recent book A Companion to Sport and Spectacle in Greek and Roman Antiquity; that also has suggestions for further reading at the end of each chapter. We have an electronic copy available through the library. Dakrasne (talk) 14:26, 9 March 2016 (UTC)

Peer Review

Copy Edit Comments

Athletic Competition in Ancient Epic Poetry

You say "Athletic competitions appear all through out ancient epic poetry." It should be throughout.

The Funeral Games for Patroklos

In the title you call him Patroklos and in the article you call him Patroclus. I think you should choose one spelling and be consistent. If I were you I would choose Patroclus because that seems to be the more common spelling. In the second paragraph you say "the prohibited race favorite, Eumelos, got off to the early lead closely followed by Diomedes." I think it is unclear what you mean by prohibited race favorite. Also, I might say an early lead instead of the. Again in the second paragraph, you say "this caused much among the participants." Much what? In the seventh paragraph you say “Epeios threw first using a technique that brought many laughs from the other Achaeans who were watching the event.” This is kind of a run on sentence. I would consider making it more concise. In the eighth paragraph you might want to make it more clear that Meriones reloads his bow because the last part is a little confusing. In the last paragraph you say award and it should be awarded. Also, it is kind of confusing what is meant by the last sentence since you say he awarded the prize to Agamemnon and gives it to someone else. You might want to explain this better. Also, throughout the article you refer to Ajax as Aias. This is a correct spelling of his name but I might say Ajax instead since it is a more common spelling.

Phaeacians-The Odyssey Book 8

You say discuss several times in the paragraph and I think you really mean discus. You say "after declining the offer, one Phaeacian, Euryalos, joked that Odysseus did not have the skills to compete in an athletic compete." The last word should be competition.

Suitors, Penelope, and Odysseus-The Odyssey Book 21

Towards the end of the paragraph, you say “he then proceed to string the bow with ease too much of the dismay of the beggars.” It should say to, not too. It might have auto-corrected because it thought you were saying too much but what you really mean is it is to the dismay of the suitors. Also it should probably say suitors, not beggars. If I were you, I would just consider rewriting the sentence so the meaning is clearer. The same is also true of the last sentence. Also towards the end of the paragraph you say “it soared clean threw all twelve axes.” The proper word is through.

General Comments

I think that you are off to a really good start. I get that you aren't done and a lot of the grammatical mistakes that I pointed out might have been fixed if I had waited a little bit longer to review your article. It looks like there are a lot mistakes but there really aren't. I just wanted to be clear about the parts that I was talking about. I noticed from your outline that you have a lot more you wanted to include. I would suggest not including all of that right now. It just seems like an awful lot of work for one person. I like the examples that you have chosen of athletic competitions in Greek epic. I feel like they are strong examples since two of the most famous Greek epics are the Iliad and the Odyssey. The other examples might be something you cut out. I do think you should include the example from the Aeneid of athletic competitions in Roman epic. That seems like a good idea since you have several examples from Greek epic. I really liked that you included media in your article. Pictures make everything better! Something else you could include is more links to other wikipedia articles. You could add links for the people and places that you mention. Good job so far! VJKTK5 (talk) 20:31, 9 April 2016 (UTC)VJKTK5