User talk:Darby509/sandbox

Peer review of rough draft

Hi Ashley! Overall your rough draft on drought refuge is good! You provide a lot of good information on the topic itself as well as methods for its conservation all while citing your sources. You go into very good depth while also remaining very clear and concise. The only issue I had while reading your draft was I wasn't sure if each paragraph was supposed to flow from one to the next or if they were supposed to be separate subtopics/subheadings. If they are meant to be one cohesive piece maybe just outlining this in your lead or using transition sentences at the end of each paragraph would be beneficial for readers to follow along. If they are meant to be separate subtopics that's totally okay too, but maybe just add the headings in beforehand. I think either direction you choose would work well. There are also a couple sentences that just read a little funny and I'll just copy and paste them below for you to edit how you see fit:

"There are multiple threats to the refuge that serves many species of birds and fish, for these species, that body of water is the only fresh water that have for food and shelter, it must be conserved."

"Droughts have the ability to reduce agriculture products and be the cause loss of crops and lives"

Other than the overall flow of the paragraphs you have and the structure of those couple sentences, the content itself is good and thorough. Great job!

Hi, I agree with the reviewer above that overall your article draft is good, and that one thing that would be beneficial is to state where the paragraphs will be going and maybe at headings for them if they are different topics. I also think that the structuring of some of your sentences need a little rewording, the content though is good! You should also add in your citations so they show up in number form rather then the source it's self. One way to add headers is to add equal signs (one or more) before and after your given header. Tbmcintosh (talk) 18:58, 15 November 2016 (UTC)

Hey Ashely! I agree with everyone, your rough draft is great! And provides a lot of information but it wouldn't would be bad to use a little bit more info. I'm saying that because not everyone is familiar with the topic and you want to be able to provide the readers with something that they will understand. The direction you are going in is great! Just make sure that your sentences flow just like the person above said. And think ahead when you are writing! You want to be able to make sure that it not only flows but make sure that you understand what you are writing about. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Natsatache (talk • contribs) 00:17, 16 November 2016 (UTC)

Thanks everyone! I really appreciate your feedback. Molly, I see exactly what you are speaking about with those three sentences. During my rewrite I will be sure to go ahead and revise them. I also believe that my writing could use a little work. I intend to find some more resources to be able to add to my paper. Tiffany, thanks for letting me know about the headers, I'll be sure to use them. As Dr. Hirshorn stated, the document has been edited; I feel like I have much work to do to add to the article now because there is so much information and well written information at that. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Adarby509 (talk • contribs) 20:09, 22 November 2016 (UTC)

Draft Feedback

Ashley, wow, this article has certainly gotten a lot longer and with much greater depth than it had when I first chose it as an assignment article. This increased depth of course makes it harder for one to add meaningful material to the article. However, you have done thorough research on your topics, and you have some very good ideas of information that you want to add to this article, which will add more depth to the overall work. I have the same question as your earlier reviewers: Where will you add what? It looks like you plan to add information into a few different sections. But, it would be helpful to state what you will add where, and also to continue to reflect upon how what you add will build upon what is currently there.

My other suggestion would be to fine-tune your writing clarity. Example: 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence, change to "During times of drought, a refuge is the only source of water for some species, and it is needed for their survival." 2nd sentence, change to "...necessary for survival but also contributes to...". The 3rd sentence of this paragraph also needs improved clarity - remember that populations adapt but organisms acclimatize. In summary, as you continue to work on this article addition, focus on quality rather than quantity, and think about what will most add to this article. Rhirshorn (talk) 17:48, 20 November 2016 (UTC)