User talk:Danialmojaab92
Welcome
[edit]Hello, Danialmojaab92 and welcome to Wikipedia! It appears you are participating in a class project. If you haven't done so already, we encourage you to go through our training for students.
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We hope you like it here and encourage you to stay even after your assignment is finished! Jauerbackdude?/dude. 20:59, 1 February 2017 (UTC)
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Danialmojaab92, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 22:34, 1 February 2017 (UTC)
Hi, I'm Pinky and I chose your talk page to introduce myself as the prof assigned. I'm a 4th year biology major. Pinky.s (talk) 02:59, 2 February 2017 (UTC)
Layperson's review - Crocosphaera watsonii
[edit]Hi, I'm Calton (talk · contribs), a Wikipedia editor, and I just noticed your article being moved in Article space. I saw the peer review comments on the article talk page, and I thought I'd give you a few notes from the viewpoint of a layperson.
First off, it's damned good start for an article: detailed and well-sourced, and with no really obvious grammatical problems and only a few formatting problems*. Well done there.
However, the article's got some flaws, which essentially stem from one source: it's written for the wrong audience.
Remember, Wikipedia is intended as a general encyclopedia, not a specialist resource. Which means that both parts of the term "general encyclopedia" articles should be kept in mind, so articles should be a summary or digest of existing knowledge not requiring specialist knowledge or vocabulary to understand, accessible to an intelligent layperson**.
Structurally, the first paragraph or three (or "lede") should serve as an accessible summary of the most important parts of the article. As the guidelines put it:
- The lead section should briefly summarize the most important points covered in an article in such a way that it can stand on its own as a concise version of the article. The reason for a topic's noteworthiness should be established, or at least introduced, in the lead...It is even more important here than in the rest of the article that the text be accessible. Editors should avoid lengthy paragraphs and over-specific descriptions – greater detail is saved for the body of the article.
The different sections should also be organized in ways that lead a general reader through the topic; as it stands, I, a lay reader, not only don't understand the significance of the sections you use...
- Diel Rhythm
- Photosystem II Blockage
- Iron Salvage
- Phosphorous limitation
...but I don't even understand names themselves.
The thing is, someone will probably, eventually, reorganize and rewrite this. However, to do so would require specialist knowledge, in the same way that cleaning up a machine-translated text would require some who was actually knowledgeable in the original language to ensure that the rewriting was accurate. Such editors are not common, so any such rewriting necessary to make this more accessible to average reader would be a long time coming. The person most qualifed for such a job would, in fact, be you. So if you can, please review the article with the lay reader in mind and ask yourself: how would I convey this knowledge to a non-biologist?
--Calton | Talk 15:27, 6 April 2017 (UTC)
* A couple of obvious ones: the first section of an article NEVER starts with a header, as it's redundant, and you left in the dashboard notice marking this as a draft. I've removed those.
** And this brings up a formatting issue: please add internal links (like cyanobacterium) to terms that readers may not know.