User talk:Bobby896/sandbox

Comments

Needs images
Hyper link intraocular pressure quantitative trait locus in causes section
Avoid using words like we and it is hard to come up. That makes it sound more like an essay than a wikipedia page
Missing a diagnosis section
Avoid abbreviations such as info
The future research section mentions only one study and unless that is confirmed it may be misleading information.
Overall, This wiki page has a lot of good information. I realize that some diseases are a lot harder to research than others and finding information is very difficult. I did not find any grammatical/spelling errors. Definitely a well put rough draft!

Review 1

I liked your page. I had never heard of Tenonitis before, even anatomically I had not read about tenon capsule.
The only thing, if available - maybe try to add pictures of the tenon of the eye or like an eye diagram.
Hyperlink more terminology
A suggestion for 'Diagnosis,' maybe you can add - 'irritation in the eye' I think you wrote some description that could be used for diagnosis too that I under 'cause'.
Overall, it was interesting - I had to do my own research to understand this too and I agree it's so rare that not enough research it present.

Needs images
I know that the subject matter doesn't have much information out there so I suggest emphasis on the stuff we do know or have tested.
Hyperlink as much as you can!
Overall what you have is good, you just need to create more hyperlinks and give more visuals on what part of the eye may be at risk and etc. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Isaacadu1 (talk • contribs) 20:18, 18 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Images of the anatomy would help here and exist on wikimedia.
Needs citations for each section and each paragraph.
There are some grammar and spelling errors. Please check over carefully.
Diagnosis needs information.
Mechanism should also talk about how the condition causes the issues it causes. Once that is added, it should really be its own heading, not a subheading of causes.
Treatment is oddly phrased and informal.
"May not be lethal"? Is it ever lethal? If not, this phrasing is weird.
Excision of the issue? What issue?
There is a lot of unclear writing. I encourage you to go over this with someone else and have them point out to you all the pieces that catch them up so you can address them. The writing center is a good option for this.
"With the information out there" There are a lot of filler bits like this.
"Future Research" is not the title of this section. "Recent Research" or "Research Directions" are appropriate titles.
There isn't much research, but your assertion of one ever is also not accurate. This is another article you may want to include: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11926-010-0128-8