User talk:AshleyK1990/HBdraft

My review of your draft

@AshleyK1990: OK, I finally found a little time to look at your draft. It is promising but needs a little work. The section headings are kind of random. How about “History” for the first section - that would be a more usual format - with the paragraph about the company’s start and then a paragraph about the growth as of 2005 and the current size. Subsequent sections could be “Tobacco” (which was really their first case in the big leagues), “Environmental issues” (that would include the Exxon Valdez case), “Automotive issues”, “Thalidomide case”, “Anti-trust cases”, and “Other cases”.

The sentence in the lead about case distribution in 2005, is unclear - what is the point? - and I don’t know why it is there. Are there no more recent statistics than 2005? If not I would just leave it out. If you do have a breakdown of how the case load distributed now, it could go in the History section.

I’m glad to see you didn’t try to minimize the Thalidomide case, that is very honest of you. BTW I can’t believe they really claimed that “the science connecting thalidomide to birth defects was only recently established.” What baloney! The connection was so immediately obvious that the drug, introduced in 1957, was withdrawn from the market by 1961. You might want to leave that line out. One other thing, in the sentence “their mothers using the anti-nausea drug thalidomide during birth”, it should say during pregnancy, not during birth.

In the second sentence about what the firm is known for, I would just say “large class-action lawsuits”. That really does seem to be the company’s claim to fame. I don’t see any justification in the article for singling out automotive more than anything else.

Let me know when you have tweaked the article. Bottom line, I think with just a little work your draft could replace the entire current content of the article. MelanieN (talk) 01:27, 6 August 2022 (UTC)

Hi @MelanieN:. Sorry for the late reply. I have implemented all of your feedback into the draft. AshleyK1990 (talk) 17:09, 17 August 2022 (UTC)

Hi, Ashley. I finally had some time to sit down and go through your draft. I copy edited and improved it some, in particular removing the excess reference citations. (If you have several sentences of information from the same source it isn't necessary to cite every sentence, just put the reference at the end of the material that comes from that source.) I do think this is a big improvement of the article. If you would now like to get rid of this draft and its talk page, you can tag it with WP:G7 to have it deleted. Or if you prefer to keep the draft around for a while for reference, that's fine too. -- MelanieN (talk) 22:30, 3 September 2022 (UTC)