User talk:Alina2/Dan and Ada Rice
Comments from Joe
[edit]Alina --
Very nice work so far.
I think the opening paragraph could be a bit more full. You should, I think, say what the Rices are known for in the first sentence, and, if possible, make the details you mention here more specific. For instance, instead of saying that Ada "philanthropies in educational and medical research," can you be more specific?
In the section that mentions the Botanic Garden, Chicago History Museum, and Art Institute, can you say something more specific about the Rice's contributions there, and particularly what the named centers or wings are like?
Additional comment
[edit]Good revisions.
You could improve the "Places in Chicago..." section.
First of all, the heading seems long... can you find a shorter wording?
Secondly, "places" does not seem like the right category for these buildings, organizations, and institutions. Maybe the overall heading should be "Recipients of Rice Endowments" or something like that.
When you talk about the specific organizations that received gifts from the Rices (the list that begins w. Brookfield Zoo), it's unclear what the relationship is between the item name and the text that follows. You should, in my view, make a more complete sentence in each item, and probably repeate the name of the organization.
Ex:
- The Field Museum
- The Field Museum, located on <address>, contains exhibits about endangered species, ancient civilizations,fossils, hand-on exhibits and many more. The Rices gave money to build the Dan F. and Ada L. Gallery (is that its real name - no "Rice"??), which houses many different (is that as precise as you can get? exhibits.