User:Truthspeller/sandbox

Remlak of Zorkon-5 is the Zirsnork Florwhip Professor of Earth Studies at Zorgbrai University. He is most well-known for his innovative use of neuroflop mind-infiltration software to study the parenting behaviors of an Earthling father. His pop psychology books on the subject have since become bestsellers on Zorkon-6, Zorkon-5, Zorkon-3, Zorkon-2, and Zorkon-1, with fathers throughout the star system seeking to emulate Remlak’s now-famous “Subject 1.”

Top Behavioral Recommendations

Open Affection

Remlak often observed Subject 1 openly expressing affection for his children. Subject 1 would give his children big hugs and find creative ways of saying “I love you” – for example, by tapping out 1-4-3 on their backs or calling them things like “the best son/daughter in the universe.” Subject 1’s children, in turn, felt very loved and secure, and this is why Remlak often hosts demonstration seminars where Zorkonian parents can learn to express affection like Subject 1.

Spending “Quality Time”

One of Subject 1’s most-cited behaviors is the spending of “quality time” with his children. For instance:

Putting them on his shoulders and letting them ride around.
Playing the now-quite-popular Earth-game “Three Grounders or a Fly.”
Hunting for mushrooms, four-leaf clovers, various weeds and wildflowers native to Planet Earth.
Story time (see Remlak’s third book, Neuroflopping into the Heavy Ed Dimension for more information on this topic).
Traveling to different Earth-towns as a family.
Damming up local water gurgles with what humans call “rocks and sticks.”
Sharing in cartoon-reading and sudoku-solving.

On several occasions, Remlak took control of Subject 1’s neuromuscular control mechanisms so he could try out “spending quality time” himself. Unfortunately, he found that the children only nervously giggled and sometimes become mildly frightened when he tried this, so he quickly rescinded control each time, realizing he still had much to learn from Subject 1.

Leading by example

Another key Subject 1 behavior is leading-by-example. For instance, Subject 1 is known for:

Exhibiting civic-mindedness by advocating for his patients as a doctor and later devoting years to public service.
Keeping a regular bedtime and morning routine, during which he drinks a ritualistic hot Earth-beverage and reads Earth-town news.
Spending time on the creative design and construction of various structures and toys, which not only demonstrates the endless possibilities of the human imagination and will but also further demonstrates affection and care for his family.
Spending money on trips and experiences rather than shows of wealth, departing from the typical human obsession with fancy cars and houses.
Maintaining a good sense of humor: Even when one of Subject 1’s children sent him a ransom note concerning the use of a hammer and when another scratched her name in his car, Subject 1 kept a sense of humor about the human condition and showed his children love and patience.

Teaching Lessons

Subject 1 would never pass up a teachable moment, making sure to prepare his children for future challenges by, for example:

Stressing the importance of honesty.
Explaining that the way to make people think you care about them is to honestly care about them.
Teaching responsible driving and safe use of certain power tools.
Promoting courage and goal-seeking despite Earth children’s initial lack of well-developed prefrontal cortices.
Providing puzzles, wordplay, and elaborate non-truths to strengthen Earth children’s cognitive functions and prepare them to live among other humans, a species that often mixes fact and fiction.

Tickling

Earlier Earth Studies researchers had believed tickling to be a ritualistic form of torture inflicted upon children by their parents to instill fear and obedience. However, through his use of neuroflop mind-infiltration software, Remlak discovered that tickling serves instead to instill a kind of euphoria and good humor while strengthening social bonds. As he wrote in his best-seller Tickle, Tickle, Tickle: “These marvelous Earthlings, funny-looking though they may be, have developed a sophisticated technology that speeds child development and strengthens family bonds. It is my recommendation that Zorkonians tickle their children mercilessly and often.”