User:Sunsetblvd13/sandbox

Article Evaluation

Notes About Article:

1. I noticed a lot of commas in many sentences, as a reader it distracted me from the overall content within the page.
2. Very brief overview of Julia Pastrana's life, more context of her life would be nice if there is more known.
3. It does not make sense to have an example of the advertising for the shows Miss Pastrana was in in the medical examination section.
4. I noticed some sentences that could potentially be reworded to help get straight to the point.
5. They state facts in the "After Death" section that do no have any intext citation.
6. I clicked on in text citation link one and it did not lead me to the the source they claimed to use.
7. I noticed that the author focuses a great deal on Miss Pastrana being viewed as a freak and does not highlight any big events in her life.
8. Many of the sources of unreliable for example one of them is from the magazine Buzzfeed.
9. Many of the sources they chose have harsh words in the titles such as "freak and monster", there is not many neutral sources.
10. Looking at the talk page other wikipedians are discussing how external links are not properly cited. As well as, dehumanizing images of Miss Pastrana were used on the page.
11. This article is a C-class article and is currently being worked on by other students in biography and history courses.
12. Doing a quick google search is appears they picked many of the top sources, leads me to believe they did not search around for many sources.

Adding to an Article

Edit of Choice: I am going to come up with a better way to paraphrase a set of plagiarized sentences

Sentences that need Editing from Julia Pastra: "Her ears and nose were unusually large, and her teeth were irregular. The latter condition was caused by a rare disease, undiagnosed in her lifetime, gingival hyperplasia, which thickened her lips and gums". When looking at their sources it appears they plagiarized many of the words directly from their source.

Draft of Contribution: Pastra spent much of her life suffering from gingival hyperplasia, a disease that caused her gums to grow over her teeth, making them appear abnormally shaped.

(Did not feel comfortable putting it live on Wikipedia yet)

Top 3 Article Choices

Article One: Perch - Wikipedia

• I chose this article because it is the same animal my group chose for our lab dissection. I am not very familiar with this animal as well as, this article was listed as one that could use improvement.
• Some of the phrases are plagiarized or lacking proper citations.
• The sentence structure is choppy at times, making it difficult to understand.
• They need to use more reliable sources for their information
• A potential supplementary page is the percidae page, this talks about ray finned fishes. This is important because the Perch is a ray finned fish and may have information to add to this article.

Article Two: Chordate - Wikipedia

• I was interested in this article because it covers a wide variety of animals that share a relation to our dissection animal.
• They are missing in text citations for scientific information
• Potentially find more clear images for better representation
• A potential link to this page was the tunicate page, as it a chordate and referenced a lot in our textbook.

Article Three: Osteichthyes - Wikipedia

• Our lab dissection animal is a bony fish; I think it would be interesting to learn more about bony fish as a whole.
• They use sources that are not reliable such as magazine articles
• Missing in text citations as well as, the formatting for them is off.
• Another supplementary article might be the swim bladder page as an anatomy reference that bony fishes have.

Group Game Plan

The game plan and outline for the group is in Heather's sandbox.

1. “Exploring Our Fluid Earth.” Structure and Function - Fish | Manoa.hawaii.edu/ExploringOurFluidEarth, https://manoa.hawaii.edu/exploringourfluidearth/biological/fish/structure-and-function-fish
2. “External Body Parts of a Bony Fish (Lutjanidae) - Csun.edu.” CSUN.edu, https://www.csun.edu/~msteele/classes/Ich530/handouts/1_external%20anatomy%20and%20taxonomy.pdf.

Week 6 Perch Draft

Article Link: Perch

Original: Perch are carnivorous fish most commonly found in small ponds, lakes, streams, or rivers. These fish feed on smaller fish, shellfish, or insect larvae, but can be caught with nearly any bait. They commonly spawn during the spring, when the females lay strings of eggs in covered areas such as near branches or underwater plants. These fish are most abundant in clear, weedy lakes that have a muck, sand, or gravel bottom. Perch have a wide distribution throughout the world, and are very plentiful in the Great Lakes, especially Lake Erie.

Edit of Choice: Restyle some sentence structure to make the section flow better because some information was plagiarized, and add important and relevant information.

Source: Pringle, Robert M. “Origins of the Nile Perch in Lake Victoria.” OUP Academic, Oxford University Press, 1 Sept. 2005, https://academic.oup.com/bioscience/article/55/9/780/286121?login=true.

Edited: Perch are classified as carnivores, choosing waters where smaller fish, shellfish, and insect larvae are abundant. The Perch can be found in central portions of the country in fresh water ponds, lakes, streams, or rivers. These fish have been known to inhabit freshwater all over the world but, are known to inhabit be found in the Great Lake region, in particular Lake Erie. These fish inhabit bodies of water where vegetation and debris is readily accessible. In the spring when the Perch chooses to spawn, they use this vegetation to conceal their eggs from predators [1]

Feedback Responses

Draft 1: Perch are classified as carnivores, choosing waters where smaller fish, shellfish, and insect larvae are abundant. The Perch can be found in central portions of the country in fresh water ponds, lakes, streams, or rivers. These fish have been known to inhabit freshwater all over the world but, are known to inhabit be found in the Great Lake region, in particular Lake Erie. These fish inhabit bodies of water where vegetation and debris is readily accessible. In the spring when the Perch chooses to spawn, they use this vegetation to conceal their eggs from predators .

Suggested edit: My peer reviewers enjoyed my edit and gave me the suggestion of taking pictures of the gas bladder of the Perch during lab. As well as, another peer reviewer gave me a few suggestions on rephrasing the second and third sentences to reach a larger audience and provide better clarity.

Draft 2: Perch are classified as carnivores, choosing waters where smaller fish, shellfish, and insect larvae are abundant. The Perch can be found in central parts of the United States in fresh water ponds, lakes, streams, or rivers. These fish can be found in freshwater all over the world, and are know to inhabit the Great Lake region, in particular Lake Erie. . These fish inhabit bodies of water where vegetation and debris is readily accessible. In the spring when the Perch chooses to spawn, they use this vegetation to conceal their eggs from predators [2]

Image Contribution Idea

What it is: The image I want to contribute is on Wikimedia commons and it is an image of the internal anatomy of the Perch labeled with letters with the corresponding body part in the caption of the image.

Reference: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Oste082p_labelled.png

Caption Idea: The above picture is a labeled image of the internal anatomy of the species Perch Perca flavescens. Each letter corresponds to an internal body part, A: gills, B: auricle of the heart, C: ventricle of the heart, D: liver, E: stomach, F: digestive cecum, G: swim bladder, H: intestine, I: testis, and J: urinary bladder.

Article Contribution Summary for the Talk Page

Hi everyone, I have some proposed ideas to better the "Habitats" section. We looking over this section I noticed that there was many plagiarized phrases as well as, the flow of the section was not the best. I think a better way to phrase this section might be Perch are classified as carnivores, choosing waters where smaller fish, shellfish, and insect larvae are abundant. The Perch can be found in central parts of the United States in fresh water ponds, lakes, streams, or rivers. These fish can be found in freshwater all over the world, and are know to inhabit the Great Lake region, in particular Lake Erie. . These fish inhabit bodies of water where vegetation and debris is readily accessible. In the spring when the Perch chooses to spawn, they use this vegetation to conceal their eggs from predators [3]". I found the relevant information I want to contribute from a more reliable source than some of the others (Pringle, Robert M. “Origins of the Nile Perch in Lake Victoria.” OUP Academic, Oxford University Press, 1 Sept. 2005, https://academic.oup.com/bioscience/article/55/9/780/286121?login=true.). Another contribution I think would be beneficial for the Perch Wikipedia page would be the addition of an image with the internal anatomy of the perch labeled. There is no current image on the page that has all the internal anatomy labeled the image I was thinking about contributed is https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Oste082p_labelled.png. For the caption for the image I was thinking " The above picture is a labeled image of the internal anatomy of the species Perch Perca flavescens. Each letter corresponds to an internal body part, A: gills, B: auricle of the heart, C: ventricle of the heart, D: liver, E: stomach, F: digestive cecum, G: swim bladder, H: intestine, I: testis, and J: urinary bladder".