User:Sj/WPtC

Wikipedia: The Concert
by the MIT/Wellesley Toons, Nov 2011

Act 1 Scene 1

Toon 1: Hey guys, so I know we’re doing Wikipedia: The Concert… but I was just searching online, and the Toons don’t have a Wikipedia page.

Toon 2: What?!

Toon 3: You're kidding, right?!?!

Toon 4: Is this real life? (in dazed David after Dentist voice)

Toon 1: Guys, calm down. Really, it's not that big of a deal. I mean not everything has an entry on Wikipedia.

Toon 2: You think? There’s a comprehensive list of ancient Jedi…

Toon 3: Uncombable hair syndrome.

Toon 2: Fox tossing… It's exactly what it sounds like.

Toon 3: The Katzenklavier. Don’t look at me funny… It’s a cat piano. Don’t you read?

Toon 1: Ok, Ok, I get it. Basically anything of any actual importance in this world —

Toon 2: And everything else!

Toon 1: (glares at Toon 2) — has a Wikipedia page. So we’ll just make one for the Toons! (opens computer) Ok. (typing)

"The MIT/Wellesley Toons were founded in 1990…"

Toon 3: (interrupting) You’re not too familiar with Wikipedia are you? That is way too… unoriginal. Where’s the excitement? Let’s start over.

"The MIT/Wellesley Toons were founded in 1776 by Ronald McDonald and his lady call girl, Ronald McFondled."

Toon 1: I am NOT writing that. Besides, that’s not… true?

Toon 3: Objectively? Maybe not. But on Wikipedia? The reality that we ourselves create becomes truth! For example, the unreal reality we all just agreed on?

(Everyone else nods their consent.)

If I want to tell people that I’m famous for being the first human Tinkertoy, well, then that is a right given to me by the Gods of Wikipedia! And now (leaning over Toon 1’s shoulder and typing), thanks to Wikipedia, it’s a fact.

Toon 4: (same dazed voice) A Wikiality!

Toon 1: Okay, I see what you mean, but… don’t they have people checking this stuff?

Toon 2: Yeah sure, the ever-threatening Arbitration Council. The do-gooder experts such as FloNight123, NewJerseyBrad, Carcarrot and Wizard Boy. They’re like the Supreme Court, but their robes are Snuggies. And they accept the lifetime commitment handed to them, because they do this until they can get a life.

Toon 3: Essentially, we’re fine. There’s nothing to worry about! We’ve got this.

Toon 1: Okay, well if you’re sure… This is going to be fun.

Act 1 Scene 2: Before the concert

Toon 5: So what are our plans for tonight? Please don’t make me go to another cashew butter seminar.

Toon 6: Ah, darn. Well there’s a Fresh Prince of Bel-Air marathon in Building 6!

Toon 5: Okay. Wait! Isn’t the Toons concert tonight?

Toon 6: Hmm?

Toon 5: The Toons, the MIT/Wellesley Toons.

Toon 6: Who are the Toons?

Toon 5: Oh my god, you’ve never heard of the Toons? They’re MIT and Wellesley’s…actually, just go online, maybe someone wrote an article on Wikipedia.

Toon 6: (opens laptop, reads)

"The MIT/Wellesley Toons are a cross-campus, co-ed group created in 1762 by Mother Teresa and Mick Jagger, when the duo discovered that they wanted a cross-campus outlet to fuel their passions in kite-flying, Easy Bake ovens, and GO GREEN BAY PACKERS!"

This group looks amazing! It says, with the addition of frequent long walks on the beach, they meet twice a week to further their dreams of becoming true Pokemon masters.

Toon 5: Whoa — Wait, scroll down to the part where they won Wimbledon!!

Toon 6: Okay, we need to go to this concert!

Toon 5: Let’s go! Oh, but don’t forget to bring a donation.

Toon 6: What?

Toon 5: Read at the bottom. It says, (read dryly)

"Toons concerts are free because the beauty of music is a shining beacon of magic like no other, to quote Albus Dumbledore. However, to keep the magic from dying a sad and crusty death, we need your help. Support the MIT/Wellesley Toons, and make a contribution today.”

It wouldn’t be a proper Wiki article without that there.

[Editor's note: We don't expect donations at any of our concerts...!]

Toon 6: Huh. Well, I mean, they do need the money to go on their spring tour at White Castle…

Toon 5: Fair enough. Let’s go!

Act 2 - WikiVersity

(Two student enter walking on from wings, strolling. They are both basically Average Joes, perhaps a bit mischievous.)

Toon 4: Man I really didn’t think I was gonna get to go to college, but then Wikipedia Community College opened up right down the street.

Toon 7: I know, right? I wasn’t gonna bother but it’s free so, you know… why not?

Toon 4: I know, right?

(Enter another student, kinda nerdy. Think Hermione.)

Toon 6: Guys, Hurry up! You are gonna be late for lecture. I mean, honestly!

Toons 4 and 7: (groaning) Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever.

(The students shuffle over to where the rest of the Toons are seated talking. Late students take their seats. Enter the Professor.)

Professor: Settle down, settle down. We have a lot of material to cover. (Clears throat) Hello everyone, I am Professor Wales. I will be teaching this class, Intro to Assorted Miscellany. Today’s topic is…

Toon 9: Excuse me, Professor!

Professor: (Taken aback by the interruption) Yes?

Toon 9: I would like to propose that we merge this class with Professor Shell’s course, General Trivia with Applications.

(students murmur assent)

Toon 10: No, I think we should merge that class into this other class I took earlier —

Toon 11: No! We should take the first section of this class and spin it out into —

Professor: QUIET DOWN! (clears throat) I will note your proposal here on the board. (notes a merge request) Let’s move on. As I was saying, today’s topic is:

The Danish game show Lykkehjulet, which (Toon 12 raises hand and waves it eagerly) aired from 1988 to 200...

(points to student) Yes?

Toon 12: Professor, I don’t think this topic meets the criteria for notability you laid out on the syllabus.

Toon 11: I agree. I have never seen it referenced in external media.

Toon 12: I am not even convinced it’s a real thing.

Professor: I assure you it is. I watched it every night when I was visiting Norway in 1997 and it was fantastic.

Toon 7: (coughed but audible) Neutral-Point-Of-View!

(Professor glares)

Professor: As I was saying,

It aired from 1988 to two thousand and —

Toon 4: (yelled) CHEESE. TWO THOUSAND AND CHEESE! LOL!

Toon 13: Reverted. 2001. Professor, as you were saying...

Professor: It was based on the American show Wheel of Fortune.

(stops and is quiet)

Toon 13: That’s it?

Professor: Well… this was a stub lecture, you see. You could help by expanding it.

(Toon 6 jumps up.)

Toon 6: Don't mind if I do! You see class,

Though originally based on Wheel of Fortune, they quickly decided that without Pat Sajak or Vanna White, they were not going to be able to maintain that basis. Thus it was decided in 1999, in response to declining ratings, to introduce Robot Vikings—

Toon 12: Um, ?

Toon 6: I read about in this blog. I can give you a link later. Anyway,

Robot Vikings! It wasn’t enough, and the show was soon being broadcast twenty hours a day, but was still canceled 2 years later.

See Also: Robots. Vikings. Asatru. Philosophy. Jesus. Shakespeare. Tiddlywinks.

Professor: … Well, that’s all for today. I will leave you with a personal plea. Please leave money with my TA Brandon Harris on your way out.

(Students begin to exit.)

Toon 4: Wow… I learned so much.

Toon 10: Guys hurry up… we don’t want to be late to Intermediate Portmanteaus and Neologisms!