User:Sailormom2012/Communication between Long-Distance Couples

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Discuss different ways to communicate when in a long-distance relationship

Discuss ways of communication that can help make the relationship stronger

Discuss ways communication or lack of can help/hurt the relationship

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The definition of a long-distance relationship is when the couple lives more than “125 miles away from each other.” Distance can play a big part in how often and which ways communication can take place. The second definition pertains to not necessarily the distance between the couple, but how often they see each other. This can include couples being 30 miles apart, but not seeing one another often. One reason this can happen is due to having conflicting schedules, which may or may not include work schedules.

Now days, there are many ways to communicate with each other. You can meet face-to-face, which is the more interpersonal way to communicate when in a long-distance relationship. This method was more effective to gain the interpersonal needs than using mediated channels. But since that cannot happen all the time during this type of relationship, there has to be other means of communication. A communication routine can be established, such as calling, texting, emailing, writing a handwritten letter, and social media can be used for this. These methods can happen on a daily basis or any other scheduled time.  It is important to make sure that you communicate with your significant other more than once a week.

Most preferred method would be calling or video calling each other at least once a week. People like to see and hear their partner. There is just something about hearing their voice that makes you feel closer if you can't see them. In one of the articles that I read, it mentions “absence of hearing a person’s voice.” When you can’t hear a voice, you miss out on emotional cues. You can tell a lot by the tone of someone’s voice. Whether they may be upset, mad or excited. Those are things you can hear in the tone of a voice. Nonverbal cues can cause conflict when you have not talk to your partner in a while or if they have not responded to a text/email within a certain time frame. That can cause many problems and misunderstandings. So without talking to each other you can’t get a real feeling of their true emotions if you can’t see them or hear their voice.

Communicate by using a phone.

When you are in a long-distance relationship, there are five maintenance strategies that you can use to help strengthen your relationship. Those are positivity – acting in a cheerful or happy way; openness – having direct discussions and disclose things about yourself to your partner; assurances – making sure your partner knows that you are committed to the relationship and to them; network – have a group of friends that you both share things with and have things in common; sharing tasks – make sure that you take responsibility in taking turns in tasks and in helping each other with tasks. If you follow these strategies, then it will help build your relationship. I can see where there can be relational uncertainty in a long-distance relationship. If you are not positive and have negative thoughts because you don’t see or hear from your partner. I know that I had those thoughts, and it can cause you to have distrust when you do not maintain your relationship. Also, it can be hard if you just had an argument over the phone and you just want to hug your person, but you can’t because they are not there. That hug could be a nonverbal cue to show him or her that you care and want to work things out.

There are many stressors when you are in a long-distance relationship. Two factors that play a part in this is the physical distance between the couple and how much time apart they spend with each other. There are different ways that people cope when they are in any kind of relationship. One is when they withdraw from people that they usually hang with or do not participate in activities that they use to. I know that my mom will not go out to certain places if she is not with her boyfriend. She would rather stay at home alone. I also know from personal experience that I quit doing certain things and going places because my boyfriend at the time was not with me.

Regarding the previous sentence, this can also cause internal dialectic. I would stay home because I did not want my boyfriend to think that I was cheating on him. But it was ok for him to continue to go out with friends and do things that he did before we started dating. That was something that I had to learn to overcome, and I finally realized that it was ok for me to still do the things that I did before. So, I started to certain things with friends again. I needed that social support. It helped to talk to others who were in the same situation that I was in.

So, in my four-year long distance-relationship, I told my now ex-boyfriend that I needed to hear from him. I wanted to see him more than twenty-four hours on a weekend. But that only happened if I called him or took days off work to be off the same time he was. There was a lack of communication regarding how I wanted things to go in our relationship. I felt like that I was giving more than he was. One thing, I can say was when we were intimate (not necessarily sexual), it was more meaningful, because we did not see each other all the time. The intimacy also included sending sweet messages or text. Even flowers at times, which I did send to him on certain days. I was the one who would call, text, post on social media and drive to his place. I felt taken for granted and when I finally had enough, I left.

After learning the things that I have learned in the course, I am using them more in all of my relationships. Since our breakup, he has started to communicate more with me than he did in the four years that we were together. It is nice to hear his voice and see his face if he video calls me. Those are more interpersonal ways to communicate when we can’t see each other face-face. There are so many ways to stay connected, but it takes work and if one partner does not put in any work at all, the relationship will dissolve. Stay connected, plan dates, text, call, write hand-written letters, surprise each other. I have learned that by doing those things and talking about the goals of relationship, it will help to build it and make it stronger.