User:Mr. Stradivarius/How to talk in a dispute

No-one likes being in a dispute. Disputes can be very stressful, and many times when editors leave the project it is due to a dispute. Disputes can cause us to lash out at other editors, tempt us to USE ALL CAPS!!!, and can even make us resort to just a teensy-weensy bit of sarcasm. We all know that we should be civil and assume good faith, but how are you meant to do that when the other editor is intent on getting The Truth into the article? How are you supposed to stay calm when they called your edits "just plain idiotic" and then insulted your mother? How on earth are you supposed to get them to listen to you?

This page will teach you how.

If you look well, you can find users who hardly ever get into disputes. It's not that they don't dispute article content; they do. It's just that they somehow seem to just brush these disputes aside and still find a result that they are satisfied with. These gilded souls wander through the encyclopedia, editing even the most controversial of articles, and scarcely get so much as an angry message on their talk page. So how do they do it? What is the big secret that they know, but escapes us mere mortals? The answer is simple: it's all in how you talk. Talking well and talking badly can make the difference between a friendly exchange between peers, and an acrimonious war of words that continues for pages and pages. Now talking won't work every time, to be sure, and sometimes other dispute resolution steps will be more appropriate. But if you can just change the way you interact with others ever-so-slightly, then you might find that disputes start to glide off your back too. So, without further ado, here is the rough'n'dirty guide to talking in disputes. You don't have to follow all the steps for all of your comments, but the more you follow, the more powerful your comments will be.

• Acknowledge others' efforts
• Be specific
• Point to policy
• Give a clear request
• De-personalize
• Admit mistakes