User:Giano/In the Royal Presence

For a little light relief, in these troubled times, I thought it would be amusing to translate an Italian court manual dating from about 1908. It has lost its hardcover and frontispiece, is spoilt by damp, so I can't be sure, but it was published in Rome in 190_. I will try to resist the temptation to add multiple exclamation marks!!!!!

Times have obviously changed since my ancestors devoured this book for tips and advice - at least they have in Italia. I wonder if they have on Wikipedia?

Receiving the Royal summons

To be summonsed to the court of the King is the greatest of honours to befall one in the earthly Kingdoms, only contagious disease or death can excuse one the presence, and only then in cases of severity.

A lady of rank will be anxious to appear at her prettiest and gayest for the court - she should instruct her dressmaker to this accord. However, it is natural that females will tremble at the honour, thus it is requisite that hearty meals are partaken on the day of the court, this will avert the outrage and unseemliness of a vapour and wain. A gentleman, of course, will suffer no such seizures, but must be prepared to carry not only the weight of his decorations and honours, but also the nervous system of his excited spouse. A gentleman must calm any anxieties and exuberance which can overcome females on these occasions. A fluttering and waning female at court is not a pretty sight.

Etiquette must be practised and strictly observed - a breach of etiquette is an insult to the court. Those unfamiliar with the ways of the court would do well to take instruction before attending court. As all people of station know: the hitting of the floor for God and the Pope, is not at all the same as the hitting the floor for the King. Similarly, to hit the floor when a slow breaking of the leg is required will cause embarrassment to all, and betray the floor hitter as a worthless peasant. Above all the courtier should appear relaxed and at ease.

When arriving at the palace

Do not betray your excitement, those close to Their Majesties will think you vulgar, but adopt a mask like face. Silently, hand your cloak to the attendant and raise upward the stairs.
If waiting on the stairs, do not greet or acknowledge your friends, but ignore them - they will appreciate this gesture. If you espy a member of your family of a senior generation, you may incline your head - not to show deference would be rude.
On reaching the head of the stairs, flip your card at the Chamberlain. He will announce you in a strong voice; his deputy will then advise you in a weak voice of your place in the line. If your place in the line is subordinate, do not show it, but remember His Majesty's time is more precious than thine.

On reaching your place in the line

This is a truly exciting moment, but do not betray it.

On no account try to better yourself by pushing your neighbour aside, but adopt a kindly expression - do not show your teeth.
During the awaital of His Majesty, Gentleman should not fiddle or play with their medals or touch their decorations.
Ladies should keep erect and not touch their diadems (be assured, your maid will have secured its firm placement). Do not flutter your fan feathers; to do so will suggest you are hot - to be hot at court is vulgar.
Do not attempt conversation with your neighbour, but save your voice for His Majesty.
The orchestra will be playing, do not make any acknowledgment of the music, no matter how entreating the tune.

The arrival of His Majesty

A Gentleman in court uniform should appear at ease and relaxed. Thus, he will appear at his most dashing,

Following the thump of the Chamberlain, hit the floor. The orchestra will play Marcia Reale. Arise from the floor. Do not sing or applaud, His Majesty will know of you humbletude by your countenance, so you may adopt a pleasant expression - do not show your teeth.
As his Majesty passes down the line, do not crane your neck or make any movement.
As the Royal Party draws near, do to not fan your feathers or make any movement designed to attract the Royal Presence. Their Majesties are wise to such wicked tricks and will surely pass you by.
If His Majesty addresses your neighbour, do not enjoin the conversation, but appear unaware and disinterested. His Majesty and your neighbour will enjoy your good manners.
If either of Their Majesties halt in front of you hit the floor deeply. If Their majesties pass you by, hit the floor deeply - do not show disappointment but remember the time of King is precious.
If His Majesty halts before you, arise from the floor and remain silent, it is for the Royal Presence to instigate the subject - not you.
Answer His Majesty's questions briefly: do not attempt elaboration or opinion. Remember His Majesty knows better than you and will appreciate your brevity.
As His Majesty passes on - hit the floor.
If a member of the Royal Party follows the King and addresses you - hit the floor.
As the Royal Party passes to the next room - hit the floor.

Following the Royal Departure

As His Majesty leaves the hall, trailing behind him happy memories:

You may now speak to your neighbour, but only your neighbour and in hushed tone. Do not call to friends across the hall, but proceed to the supper and ballrooms with a pleasant expression - do not show your teeth.
If a member of the Royal Party addresses you in the ballroom, there is no need to hit the floor (this could inconvenience passing dancers) merely smile (don't show your teeth) and slowly break your leg.
This will have been one of the most enjoyable days of your life. Others will be anxious to hear of it. Do not speak of it - the King's words are sacred - a secret between you an Almighty God.