User:CrimsonKingsCourt/Nicias/Leonidas XIV Peer Review
Peer review
[edit]Lead
[edit]Your lead, while more concise than the current version, could be yet more concise. You mention his wealth and his being a rival of Cleon in later sections of the article, stating them here in the lead is a repetition you do not need. I would also like to point out that it might be prudent to cut most of the post peace paragraph. I would suggest ending after the second sentence and resuming with, “Nicias was assassinated by the allies of Syracuse”. However, I would not use the word assassinate, executions and assassinations are two very different methods of dying, one implies some modicum of either legal or martial law proceedings, the other implies death by more nefarious means.
Content
[edit]Early Life
[edit]In the final sentence the last word is “Dionysu”, did you mean “Dionysus”? Otherwise, all seems in order here, well done on changing the language that was out of tone. The picture of the bust of Nicias is a nice touch however, it is missing a source in the captions.
Nicias' Political Rise
[edit]You make some good changes here by cutting some of the unnecessary and out of tone language, well done.
Military Activities
[edit]Again well done in changing the tone of the wording.
Peace of Nicias
[edit]In both cases, in the current article and in your edition I would advise you to simply drop the first sentence about Athens and Sparta being exhausted entirely as it is a repeat of content mentioned later in the section. Otherwise a well written section.
Nicias and Alcibiades
[edit]Content wise well done, good editing of improper tone.
Nicias and Hyperbolos
[edit]As you already mention the time line in the paragraph part of the section it is unnecessary to repeat it in the heading. Otherwise nice addition of the picture, although it needs a source in the captions.
Sicilian Expedition
[edit]The image is a nice addition, please include a source int he caption.
Death
[edit]I would advise to add this as a sub-heading to the former section. While I understand that his is a significant part of this personages life, it is also the the natural and final conclusion of the Sicilian Expedition and it might make more sense from an organizational perspective to keep like topics together. A sub-heading should be enough do both keep it with its context and denote its importance.
Tone and Balance
[edit]You have excelled in this particular area. I see no problems with the tone of your edition.
Sources and References
[edit]Your edition does not include any reference numbers in the text itself. While you have included the references in the reference section, I cannot ascertain what specific information is linked to which sources. Also as noted above, I would advise you to include a source or reference in the image captions.
General info
[edit]- Whose work are you reviewing?
Peer Review of CrimsonKingsCourt
- Link to draft you're reviewing
- User:CrimsonKingsCourt/Nicias
- Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
- Nicias
Evaluate the drafted changes
[edit]Overall well done, a solid start to build and extrapolate on.