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User:CVW003/Ella Moss/Janekraaijvanger Peer Review

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General info

[edit]
Whose work are you reviewing?

CVW003

Link to draft you're reviewing
https://wiki.riteme.site/w/index.php?title=Ella_Moss&diff=1251998249&oldid=1250727851
Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
Ella Moss

Evaluate the drafted changes

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Hello! Here is my peer review for you!

Lead:

  • The lead is perfectly explanatory/a quick summary of what the topic is. Although short, I don't really know what else you could add.

Content:

  • I would say that the content added along with completely changing the background paragraph was a very helpful and good call. Adding new sections around it's store fronts/acquisition was also very good. The only thing I can think of adding is in the background paragraph maybe adding another section called "Notable Recognition" or something like that where you put the information paragraph about sex and the city, etc. I would also separate the sentence "Ella Moss was once sold at department stores and boutiques. As of 2024, the brand can be purchased at Costco and Amazon." from that notable recognition part and put that under store fronts.
  • Although many of the articles/sources added are from 2011 from my understanding there wasn't very much/any information on this topic and you basically built this wiki page from the ground up. You added a very substantial amount of resources and all are relevant.
  • The only thing I think you could possible add is too the storefronts section because you discuss the first openings but are still stores still open? Did they close due to the acquisition? It is just a little abrupt and confusing. This is also from a complete outside perspective as I had never heard of the brand/ store before

Tone and Balance:

  • Overall your tone is very neutral throughout the entire thing other than the acquisition section where you use certain adjectives and words to discuss the deal. It does not sound like you are pushing the brand on the reader at all I would just be weary about how you go about the acquisition because also a lot that is unclear. For example what is VF Corp and who/what is Delta Galil? Also who is Debah? I think this paragraph just needs some expansion/edits

Sources:

  • Make sure all are properly linked
  • Not sure if there are really any recent sources on this topic so it is understandable that they are from 2011

Overall organization:

  • it is easy to read but if you fix those things about the notable recognition and store fronts it would flow exponentially better
  • You clearly built this article from the ground up pretty much which is impressive! I looked at other "older" brands wiki pages like Charlotte Russe and honestly they are pretty comparable, the only thing I would also think about adding is any photos but overall this is really good!