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Hannah Elise Moore (born June 25, 2004) is an American-born genius. Her past employment includes Rise’n Roll and Nothing Bundt Cakes. Despite her bakery-themed career choices, she later rejected the bakery life to work at Certell, a totally legitimate and serious non-profit, looking for the betterment of society through textbook and prep book creation.

In several interviews with the press, Moore has strongly identified with her Jewish heritage. In fact, she was the president of her school’s Jewish Student Association, and managed to get more than just her and her sister to join, regardless of their religious affiliation.

Moore is an exceptionally talented political thinker and writer. She consistently manages to amaze every person around her with her intellect and wit. No Wikipedia article can possibly accurately articulate her incredible capabilities and character. Her friends often find themselves thankful that they have had the honor of knowing Hannah Moore even for a snippet of her amazing life. Kaelyn Tai, a fellow debater reports, “I can’t wait until she takes over the world, and makes everyone else’s lives better as she has mine.”

However impressive these sentiments are, unfortunately she is a lib :(.

Early life and Education

Schooling

Hannah went to school, but instead of getting schooled she was so smart she schooled the school. The school was amazed. How could they, the school, be schooled? Moore was simply so Built Different, she did it.

Halamka Relations

Growing up, Hannah was heavily involved in the Girl Scouts of America, where she made several friends, one of which being Jessica Halamka. Hannah was good friends with Jessica for many years, but over these years began to see that they were growing to become different people with distant ideologies. This was largely because of Jessica’s family and upbringing, a realization which hit Hannah when she received a ride home from Jessica’s older brother. Jared began boasting about an essay he wrote for class in which he took a pro-Nazi stance, and Hannah had to sit through the proud recounting of Jared’s own genius. This witty display of antisemitism was one of many nails in the coffin of Hannah’s close relationship with Jessica. They were forcibly reunited years later during their competing in We the People (see recognitions)

Soccer

Since Moore was three, she has been involved in soccer. With this sport complimenting her short stature and complete lack of ability to do any other athletic competition, she was great at dribbling balls with her feet. Moore excelled in the sport and played even through a difficult concussion during a rec game. Moore also controversially called soccer the hottest sport.

Music

Moore was an accomplished violinist who sat second to last chair in the second violins. She was very dedicated and even wrote and orchestrated trios among her siblings to perform for the extended family. She raised her brother to be a cello prodigy. Moore also dabbles in musical theater. Her roles include Eliza and Lafayette in Hamilton, Vanessa in In the Heights, Eurydice in Hadestown, Éponine in Les Mis, and Bonnie in Bonnie & Clyde. Her starring moments are in car performances, where she belts out in-tune^{[citation needed]} notes, often as she is speeding down the roads or going 30mph in roundabouts. Moore is also the future Nick Jonas in a Jonas Brothers cover band. She was chosen for the role by being the youngest and the shortest of the three members.

Homosexuality

Gay gay gay gay gay happy pride!

Moore is a well known ally along with her very very good friend kaelyn tai

Marriage and children

Hannah married Jacob Follman and they produced 2 offspring. Their first child was named David Matthew. Their second child was named Sarah Joscelyn.

Philosophical and/or political views

Hannah Moore is a politically involved individual who advocates for progressive stances across the board. She is pro-women’s rights and pro-LGBT rights, and she supports affordable healthcare reform. Moore has worked as a campaign agent on the political campaigns of progressive Hamilton Southeastern School District school board candidates, speaking out about the importance of a multicultural, internationally relevant education. She is a lifelong student of both houses of Congress but especially the Senate, wherein she opposes the filibuster and proposes bipartisanship, federalism, and strong policy action. Moore is also especially interested in electoral reforms, particularly advocating against the practice of gerrymandering and being extremely pro-ranked choice voting. Moore supports certain radical left-wing stances but also promotes practical implication strategies.

Published works

Moore is a world-renowned author with works such as Hannah’s Abolish the Senate Mome and contributions to works like Megachurches fucked Hugged your Microchurch.

Recognition

Despite Moore’s lack of success in Public Forum debate noted by American modern philosopher Bradyn Christopher Dack, “And the color I chose for this picket is blue––like all of the ribbons that Hannah and Emersen didn’t win in PF.” Moore went on to win the state title at the ISSDA (formerly known as the IHSFA) State Debate tournament in World Schools Debate with her team of Megin Chin, Emerson Colby Jack, Rishy Boo, and Truman Moonrocket Moore. Truman and Hannah were reportedly not siblings nor dating.

Brad Dock awarded Moore the title of “#1 3rd Speaker” at the Speech and Debate Banquet in recognition of both her winning of the state debate tournament and coaching prowess, crafting the first and third place teams with assistance from Rishabh Bhadouryia from scratch. This very real title is considered the highest honor in Indiana WSD debate.

Moore earned the academic distinction of summa cum laude where she gifted an engraved plaque to Mr. FHS Social Studies Department Head Matthew Follman. However, she laments her mathematical errors when reading said plaque because she misrepresented Article 2, section 1, clause 5 of the United States Constitution.

Moore competed in the academic competition We the People where she flexed her constitutional knowledge and revealed her massive boner for politics. With this team, Moore found great success with the Mudcock win, the State champion title, and almost mostly National title.

At the We the People celebration for their highest placement in Indiana history as runner ups, Moore won the award for Most Likely to Win a Pulitzer Prize award. She was awarded this award by Coach Ligma Patriarchy Lizard Patmeister and other unit advisors.

Whilst Moore was winning these awards left and right, she was bestowed the highest honor of them all: co-president of Chemistry Club. Despite not taking any chemistry classes at the time, Moore was still highly qualified and appointed one of three presidents. However, due to her debate and We the People duties, she honorably de-promoted herself to vice president for the rest of the year. She then left two of her closest friends to handle the immense pressures of co-presidenting Chemistry Club with only two co-presidents, who had to share responsibility for Herculean tasks such as baking soda volcanoes and elephant toothpaste labs.

Antisemitism

Before Jew Month

Moore would experience generalized antisemitism throughout her childhood, often regailing anyone unfortunate enough to be near her with tales of the antisemetic acts committed by aforementioned Jared and Jessica Halamka, as well as her own father, a random lady on the street, her close friends, and many, many, many others. She garners little sympathy from such tall tales, as she herself is very antisemitic.

During Jew Month

Truman Mohr, a fellow WSDer that Moore had worked with, became good friends with Moore over the course of her mentorship. Unbeknownst to Moore when she took him under her wing, however, Mohr was the world’s leading expert in antisemitism. Mohr would then seize every opportunity he had to give antisemitic and sexist remarks to the poor girl. It is even reported that Mohr said “I would’ve expected you to know how to handle [the chocolate coins] because you’re a Jew, but I realize that you can’t because you’re a woman.” It is widely agreed upon that the only reason Moore did not stab Mohr on the spot is due to a tragic deficiency of stabbing implements near her.

After Jew Month

Moore, for reasons known not even to her, remains good friends with Mohr to this day. Despite the uncountably infinite number of masterfully antisemitic remarks made in her presence, Mohr somehow survived Jew Month. It is for this reason that many Christians in recent years have begun to denounce their faith, as even as cruel of a god as the Christian god would not allow such an abomination to walk this earth.

Hannahisms

As a Speech and Debate member, she often comes back to some of her most treasured phrases and words and repeats them. Here is a non-exhaustive list:

• Verbatim
• Slayyyy
• Okay/so true bestie
• Benny, you asshole!
• Sustainable model
• Okay hear me out…

Bibliography

Thyme, Forgotten with. “My source is that I made it the fuck up.” YouTube, 16 February 2022, www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOVbAmknKUk. Accessed 24 June 2022.