Template:Did you know nominations/William Augustus Hancock

The following discussion is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by BlueMoonset (talk) 04:15, 2 October 2012 (UTC)

William Augustus Hancock

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... that Phoenix, Arizona, postmaster, William Augustus Hancock, performed the survey work needed to establish the townsite?

ALT1:... that it is unclear whether William Augustus Hancock built the first building in Phoenix, Arizona, or only the first building after the town was established?
Reviewed: Template:Did you know nominations/Candice Cohen-Ahnine

Created/expanded by Allen3 (talk). Self nom at 15:50, 28 September 2012 (UTC)

all looks good, both hooks ok, prefer main hook. PumpkinSky talk 01:48, 1 October 2012 (UTC)

My problem with promoting this hook is that much as I'd like to use the main hook, it's formatted in such a way that commas are required after words two, three, and four: that's just too much. (While it didn't start with a comma after Arizona, MOS says there has to be one, so I've added it to both hooks.) And I can't find a way to rewrite it while maintaining the delicate chronological indefiniteness that seemingly has a postmaster establishing the town. I've decided to go with the ALT1 hook, but if someone can come up with a way to rewrite the original one, I'm open to a later substitution, but with regrets to PumpkinSky, not as it is worded now. (One of my attempts was "that William Augustus Hancock, who performed the survey work needed to establish the townsite of Phoenix, Arizona, became its postmaster?", wherein the chronology is far more definite. BlueMoonset (talk) 04:15, 2 October 2012 (UTC)