Template:Did you know nominations/Tomb of Ali Mardan Khan
- The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.
The result was: promoted by Mhhossein (talk) 14:23, 5 June 2015 (UTC)
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Tomb of Ali Mardan Khan
[edit]_Lahore.jpg)
... that though Ali Mardan Khan was not a saint but a Mughal noble his tomb (pictured) is considered as a shrine by the locals?
- Reviewed: Ross Gunn
Created by Royroydeb (talk). Self-nominated at 14:25, 12 April 2015 (UTC).
New and long enough. NPOV. Hook fact checks out. AGF on offline sources. QPQ has been done. However, the article needs to be rewritten in order to distant it from this source.--Skr15081997 (talk) 09:00, 13 April 2015 (UTC)
- "in order to distant it" - cant understand it. @Skr15081997: RRD13 দেবজ্যোতি (talk) 09:02, 13 April 2015 (UTC)
- I mean that there's a great deal of close paraphrasing b/w the 2. Rewrite accordingly. Image is appropriately licensed.--Skr15081997 (talk) 09:07, 13 April 2015 (UTC)
- @Skr15081997:, Done, have a check. RRD13 দেবজ্যোতি (talk) 09:12, 13 April 2015 (UTC)
- This isn't sufficient. More work is needed.--Skr15081997 (talk) 09:40, 13 April 2015 (UTC)
- Then please tell me which paras to work on. Already some phrases are quoted which are taken from the source. I dont know if much is still required. @Skr15081997: RRD13 দেবজ্যোতি (talk) 15:00, 13 April 2015 (UTC)
- This isn't sufficient. More work is needed.--Skr15081997 (talk) 09:40, 13 April 2015 (UTC)
- @Skr15081997:, Done, have a check. RRD13 দেবজ্যোতি (talk) 09:12, 13 April 2015 (UTC)
- I mean that there's a great deal of close paraphrasing b/w the 2. Rewrite accordingly. Image is appropriately licensed.--Skr15081997 (talk) 09:07, 13 April 2015 (UTC)
- Article: kiosks on angular points which stands on an eight-sided podium each of which measure 58 feet
- Source: kiosks on angular points and standing on an eight sided podium, each side measuring 58 ft.
- Article: The tomb stood in the middle of a "paradisiacal garden" which was the favourite theme of Mughal emperor Jahangir.
- Source: The tomb once stood at the centre of a paradisiacal garden, a favourite theme as evidenced in the sepulcher of Jahangir.
- Article: The grave is located in a subterranean chamber is accessed through a descending flight of steps which is decorated in the way they are decorated in a saint shrine
- Source: The grave which is in the subterranean chamber, and accessed through a descending flight of steps, is decorated in the manner of a saint’s shrine.
- Article: The extent to which the garden extended is understood by the double storey gateway doors in the north of the garden.
- Source: The extent of Ali Mardan garden can be gauged by the double-storey gateway in the north mentioned above.
- "in order to distant it" - cant understand it. @Skr15081997: RRD13 দেবজ্যোতি (talk) 09:02, 13 April 2015 (UTC)
--Skr15081997 (talk) 15:25, 13 April 2015 (UTC)
- @Skr15081997: Done. RRD13 দেবজ্যোতি (talk) 07:20, 14 April 2015 (UTC)
I can't approve this in current state. 1 advice I can give you is this; instead of typing the facts as soon as you read them, think about them. Give yourself the time to change the style and wording. Anyway, I request a new reviewer to check whether the close paraphrasing issue is resolved or not. Regards, --Skr15081997 (talk) 12:04, 14 April 2015 (UTC)
- I agree with Skr15081997 that this article still contains significant close paraphrasing (as well as some very clumsy English that sort-of hides the paraphrasing). Even more importantly, the hook is virtually word-for-word from the source and so is a copyright violation in itself. So I agree that this is currently ineligible for DYK. Relentlessly (talk) 09:56, 17 April 2015 (UTC)
- @Skr15081997: Done. RRD13 দেবজ্যোতি (talk) 07:20, 14 April 2015 (UTC)
Royroydeb, this article clearly needs a good copyedit by someone with the skills to identify and avoid close paraphrasing. I strongly suggest you request such a copyedit at the Guild of Copy Editors; without it, it seems clear that this DYK will not succeed. You will also need to supply a new hook that does not violate copyright; I have struck the current one per Relentlessly's analysis. BlueMoonset (talk) 21:33, 17 April 2015 (UTC)
- Pretty much rewritten, from the same source. should be ok now. Johnbod (talk) 03:23, 1 May 2015 (UTC)
- ALT1: ... that though Ali Mardan Khan was a successful engineer and administrator his tomb in Lahore (pictured) is considered as a shrine by the locals?
Johnbod (talk) 03:23, 1 May 2015 (UTC)
- The hook is nice ! @Johnbod: RRD13 দেবজ্যোতি (talk) 20:49, 5 May 2015 (UTC)
- Royroydeb, Johnbod, I asked Nikkimaria to take a look to check on the close paraphrasing issues. She says it's much better, but that the fourth paragraph is still a bit too close. Once that's addressed, this should be ready for a new reviewer. Thanks! BlueMoonset (talk) 01:25, 26 May 2015 (UTC)
- New reviewer needed to finish the review now that close paraphrasing has been taken care. Thanks! BlueMoonset (talk) 18:56, 2 June 2015 (UTC)
This article is new enough and long enough. The ALT1 hook facts are reliably sourced and the image is appropriately licensed. The article is neutral and the close paraphrasing issue has been corrected. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 05:10, 3 June 2015 (UTC)
