Template:Did you know nominations/Space Marshals

The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Montanabw^(talk) 02:39, 24 May 2016 (UTC)

Space Marshals

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... that in third-person shooter stealth video game Space Marshals, the player controls the main protagonist, Burt, who was once imprisoned for inappropriate use of firearms during an interrogation?

Reviewed: Helen Matusevich Oujesky

Moved to mainspace by Omni Flames (talk). Self-nominated at 06:32, 1 May 2016 (UTC).

Article is expanded long enough, the hook is interesting (and pretty hilarious, in my opinion), every statement is cited and with reliable sources, nominator has reviewed an article, no copyvio, lead is long enough and covers all aspects. editorEهեইдအ😎 03:03, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

There is close paraphrasing from the source:
Source: Burt: The arrogant specialist accused of inappropriate use of firearms during an interrogation
Article/hook: Burt was a former space marshal who was imprisoned for inappropriate use of firearms during an interrogation
Yoninah (talk) 20:37, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

@Yoninah: Okay, I tried to fix the problem in the article. Does the hook need to be tweaked as well? Omni Flames ^{let's talk about it} 22:20, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

Sorry, the way you tweaked it in the article is still close paraphrasing. Use your own words. And yes, the hook needs to be rewritten. Yoninah (talk) 22:50, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

@Yoninah: Okay, how about now? And for the hook, I think a better one would be ALT1... that in stealth video game Space Marshals, the player controls Burt, who was imprisoned because he conducted an interrogation in which he used firearms in a way which was deemed inappropriate? Omni Flames ^{let's talk about it} 07:39, 3 May 2016 (UTC)

But you're still juggling with the same words. I edited the paragraph in the article based on the source, and put those pesky words in quotes. I think the gameplay description needs more work, as you don't explain what the storyline is after the prison breakout, or anything about the scenes and weapons. I think that once you add more description, a hook will be easier to write. Such as: ... that in the stealth video game Space Marshals, players track down escaped criminals in a Wild West setting using high tech weapons like .... Yoninah (talk) 13:17, 3 May 2016 (UTC)

@Yoninah: Yes, I am still juggling with the same words, but is that not what paraphrasing is about? Close paraphrasing is the problem, and I feel that it's fixed now. Omni Flames ^{let's talk about it} 22:15, 3 May 2016 (UTC)

Omni Flames, no, paraphrasing is not about juggling with the same words, it's about putting information in your own words. If you're just rearranging the original wording, then it's going to be close paraphrasing. Let us know when you've revised it using your own words, and the review can recommence; it needs to be done soon. BlueMoonset (talk) 16:49, 21 May 2016 (UTC)

Okay BlueMoonset, I think I'll just ditch that hook completely. How about this:
ALT2... that in the stealth video game Space Marshals, players can unlock gear and weapons such as shotguns, crossbows and axes, based on their performance in each level? Omni Flames ^{let's talk about it} 23:13, 21 May 2016 (UTC)

@Omni Flames: the article doesn't say anything about "unlocking gear and weapons", or about it being "based on their performance in each level". Yoninah (talk) 21:49, 22 May 2016 (UTC)

@Yoninah: Hopefully fixed now. Omni Flames ^{let's talk about it} 22:19, 22 May 2016 (UTC)

Yes, it is. I tweaked the hook per the article/source to make it axes, not firearms. ALT2 hook ref verified and cited inline. Rest of review per EditorE. ALT2 good to go. Yoninah (talk) 22:24, 22 May 2016 (UTC)