Template:Did you know nominations/Bezauberndes Fräulein

The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Allen3 ^talk 00:26, 6 February 2015 (UTC)

Bezauberndes Fräulein

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... that Ralph Benatzky wrote both libretto and music of the musical comedy Bezauberndes Fräulein, inspired by the French farce La petite chocolatière?

Reviewed: William Egon of Fürstenberg

Created by Cricketgirl (talk). Nominated by Gerda Arendt (talk) at 23:37, 25 January 2015 (UTC).

I will review this, back in a bit. Montanabw^(talk) 05:29, 28 January 2015 (UTC)

Article is new enough, long enough, Google translate verifies the hook, no copyvio concerns, no images to check, neutral, QPQ done, we are almost there, but...

But:
The entire synopsis needs references, it is completely unsourced.
Hook is short enough, but a bit awkwardly phrased, can we trim and tighten it just a little? I can't recommend specific hook language as reviewer, but perhaps start by putting the name of the article first, then the author/composer, and leave the last section where it is, see what happens? Montanabw^(talk) 05:38, 28 January 2015 (UTC)

But:

Synopses don't need refs.

You can reword hooks, just not add different facts.

I prefer the active voice. But for you:

ALT1: ... that both libretto and music of Bezauberndes Fräulein were written by Ralph Benatzky, based on the French farce La petite chocolatière? --Gerda Arendt (talk) 08:36, 28 January 2015 (UTC)

Meh, I don't like passive voice either. Literally try putting Bezauberndes Fräulein as the first word in the sentence and see how to pull the rest of it together. I can't find anything in the MOS that says you don't have to cite a synopsis, but I noticed that The Tempest is a GA with no refs for the plot synopsis, so I presume you are correct. However, for my future edification, can you point me to this guideline? Montanabw^(talk) 22:26, 28 January 2015 (UTC)

Sorry, no, I don't know any guidelines, - I watch what people do. What can we do? It's translated from German (where is stable since 2009 at least), --Gerda Arendt (talk) 23:10, 28 January 2015 (UTC)

I asked: MOS:PLOT --Gerda Arendt (talk) 23:40, 28 January 2015 (UTC)

OK, that part is OK. Now if you can just tighten up that hook just a little bit, we'll be good to go... something like: Bezauberndes Fräulein, libretto and music...(I can't propose a hook or someone else will have to finish the DYK...) Montanabw^(talk) 06:42, 30 January 2015 (UTC)

I would for an English title. For German (which might read like Chinese to some readers), I prefer to introduce that it is about something with music on a libretto, --Gerda Arendt (talk) 11:42, 30 January 2015 (UTC)

Approved with original hook. Composer first is more active voice than alt1 hook. Montanabw^(talk) 23:44, 30 January 2015 (UTC)