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Template:Did you know nominations/Alexander Parsonage (water polo)

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The following discussion is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: rejected by Thine Antique Pen (talk) 19:31, 17 November 2012 (UTC)

Alexander Parsonage (water polo)

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5x expanded by Thine Antique Pen (talk). Self nom at 22:28, 19 October 2012 (UTC)

  • New enough. Long enough. Neutral enough I guess. No plagiarism concerns. Hook properly formatted. Facts nominally supported by cited sources.
  • Hook is... boring and useless to a degree. There are lots of international water polo players who play their first match. This doesn't give an idea of country that might generate interest, etc. "... that Alexander Parsonage is a water polo player?" is almost just as good. If this was a multi-article hook where it was hard to link things other than played for a team, this might work... but yeah. More interesting? (The article also has some clarity issues. His team this, his team that. But no idea what teams they were. " His favourite sport event was the Commonwealth Games in 2006." is another unclear sentence. Does this mean the favourite sport event he watched on television? Did he participate in the Commonwealth Games? Why 2006 as a sporting event? --LauraHale (talk) 22:39, 19 October 2012 (UTC)

More interesting hook. (And a prose cleanup for clarity would also be nice.) --LauraHale (talk) 22:39, 19 October 2012 (UTC)

Can we have a crack at the prose and content? It is weird to have a potential hook about a Great Britain men's national water polo team member that only mentions that in this in the lead and doesn't give the least idea about this. The prose lacks of lot of clarity. "His biggest disappointment was when UK Sport cut his team's funding for water polo in 2009." Is this the national team? Or is this his club side? "His water polo coach is Robin van Galen." On what level is this coach and for what team? --LauraHale (talk) 23:49, 19 October 2012 (UTC)
Done. Thine Antique Pen (talk) 22:04, 23 October 2012 (UTC)
  • The information as it is now presented makes it appear factually inaccurate. The University Games are not a schools competition. European club championships are confused with national team games. The information on the world games appears twice. The lack of information about what team he played for renders the information almost non-sensical: Did he play his first international for UZSC Utrecht, a club team, against Egypt? Is Great Britain men's water polo team a club side? The organisation and information around it suggests it is. He must have played for GB before the Olympics, but his international debut, reading through the article, appears to be the Olympics. --LauraHale (talk) 03:54, 1 November 2012 (UTC)
  • Issues unaddressed in over two weeks. Pinging talk page, since notification doesn't seem to have been made there. BlueMoonset (talk) 19:30, 17 November 2012 (UTC)
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