Talk:XiamenAir Flight 8667/GA1
GA Review
[edit]The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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Reviewer: Sammi Brie (talk · contribs) 03:09, 8 August 2023 (UTC)
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Lots of copy cleanup and one case where the citation doesn't quite justify our wording. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 03:09, 8 August 2023 (UTC)
Copy changes
[edit]Lead
[edit]- two and a half hour Hyphenate as an adjective
- The crash resulted in the destruction of the aircraft, but no serious injuries among the crew or passengers This comma is not needed. User:Sammi Brie/Commas in sentences (CinS)
Accident
[edit]- Time formats are inconsistent: "9:23 P.M.", "11:40pm". MOS:TIME suggests
2:30 p.m. or 2:30 pm
. - auto brakes deployed, but the Autobrakes disengaged shortly afterwards
- Make the link to "autobrake" in the first mention; should not be capitalized in either instance, no space.
- Consider "after" instead of "afterwards".
I would suggest reducing close paraphrasing and passage similarities to the CAAP report. This is not a copyright violation because works of the Philippine government are PD under the Republic Act. You should add a {{Source-attribution}} template noting the use of the CAAP report.
Aftermath
[edit]- MIAA dispatched its Rescue and Firefighting Division and all available airport fire trucks were sent to the crash site. Add a comma after Division (CinS)
- treat and injuries Should be "any"
- In the terminal, airport authorities set up a special lounge for disabled passengers, senior citizens, and passengers with infants, and provided bottled water and blankets to all passengers. Consider rewording to avoid the need for CinS.
- More CinS comma removals: They gathered evidence and removed the flight data recorder from the aircraft, and unloaded cargo and luggage from the plane., Interviews with the flight crew revealed that heavy rains obstructed his view of the runway during the landing, but did not declare an emergency with air traffic control.
- At 6:10 am, officials completed their investigation of the site and the clean-up operation was able to begin. Comma needed after "site" (CinS)
- The damaged aircraft was taken to the Balagbag ramp near the airport's Terminal 3 where it was unloaded Add comma after 3 for readability
- The airport's other runway, Runway 13/31, is known as the Domestic Runway, and at only 8,500 feet (2,600 m) long and 150 feet (45 m) wide, is too short to handle widebody jets or many international flights. Some comma placement errors here. Consider one of these two options:
- The airport's other runway, Runway 13/31, is known as the Domestic Runway and, at only 8,500 feet (2,600 m) long and 150 feet (45 m) wide, is too short to handle widebody jets or many international flights
- The airport's other runway, Runway 13/31, is known as the Domestic Runway; at only 8,500 feet (2,600 m) long and 150 feet (45 m) wide, it is too short to handle widebody jets or many international flights
- representatives from Xiamen Air No space in the airline name. Recurs twice in this paragraph and several times thereafter.
- Presidential spokesperson No need to capitalize "presidential" here.
- Four days after the accident, Xiamen Air issued a statement apologizing to all of the airport passengers affected by the incident, and pledged to assist Philippine authorities CinS and some inconsistency. Remove the second comma and change "pledged" to "pledging"
- On August 22, MIAA announced that Xiamen Air would have to pay MIAA at least 15 million Philippine pesos (USD$280,000) to cover the costs of removing the damaged aircraft from the runway, but added... This is long enough that I'd add the subject again: ", but the airport authority added..."
- Both Cebu Pacific] and Philippine Airlines No need for the "Both" and the stray bracket
Aircraft
[edit]- It was powered by 2 CFM International CFM56 turbofan engines Should be "two", MOS:NUMERAL
Passengers
[edit]- a Korean male who was 50 years old and 16,000 hours of flight experience missing "had" after "and"
Investigation
[edit]- CAPP Officials Should be "CAAP officials"
- Investigators retrieved the aircraft's flight data recorder and cockpit voice recorder, and interviewed the flight crew. Remove comma (CinS)
- By August 31, investigators in Manila had received voice transcripts and data readouts from the recorders and shortly after that they announced that a final report on the accident would be released soon. Reword: By August 31, investigators in Manila had received voice transcripts and data readouts from the recorders, announcing shortly after that a final report on the accident would be released soon.
- Several sentences end in two periods.
- Linking terms like crew resource management and crosswind may be useful here, even as MOS:DUPLINKs. (Crosswind is one word)
- It found that the airline policy was inadequate on the procedure of go-arounds, and found design and construction violations of the runway that left uneven surfaces and concrete obstacles.
- Remove comma (CinS)
- Reword "violations of the runway" (maybe "on the runway")?
Legacy
[edit]- It also amended its policies to prohibit takeoffs and landings during heavy rains, and prohibited landings in moderate rains during night flights when the runway center line light is not working or not available. Remove comma
Sourcing and spot checks
[edit]- 3: 9:23 pm takeoff time. This is China Daily: WP:CHINADAILY suggests it is usable for non-political news facts on mainland China news stories.
- 18: A strange source, apparently a company press release/story?
...to transport the plane to Balagbag ramp near Terminal 3 where the aircraft was unloaded.
I don't have any reason to doubt it here for this fairly trivial fact. - 21: SunStar report mentions the diversions:
The incident caused the shutdown of the runway and the cancellation and delay of outgoing flights. Thousands of passengers were stranded not only at the NAIA but in other airports as well. Incoming international flights had to be diverted to Clark, Cebu and Davao as well as Hong Kong, Bangkok and Tokyo.
- 30: Article in the Manila Standard on payment of "about 15 million pesos", said it was up to passengers if they wanted to sue. I don't think this justifies a wording of encouraged affected passengers to file lawsuits to recover personal damages. Maybe left it up to affected passengers to file lawsuits to recover personal damages?
- 34: Philippine Star article on proposal to develop a second or more air transport hub for the country and Gordon's idea of reopening Subic Bay.
Images
[edit]Two libre licensed images, both appropriately used. Both have alt text.
Response from RecycledPixels
[edit]Sammi Brie, thank you for the review of this article. I have gone through and edited the article with the corrections you have suggested above, or slightly different in a couple of instances. With the OR concern, the subtitle of the article in the Manila Standard is "MIAA urges passengers to sue airline for resulting damages", so I think that supports "encouraged affected passengers to file lawsuits..." but like you have identified, the text of the article wasn't really a statement that they were "urging" the passengers to sue, so your proposed rewording is better. I have made that change. Please let me know if you have any further suggestions. RecycledPixels (talk) 15:41, 8 August 2023 (UTC)
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.