Talk:Why Don't You Play in Hell? (song)/GA1

GA Review

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Nominator: IanTEB (talk · contribs) 22:21, 6 December 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 15:28, 18 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

It is reasonably well written.
a. (prose, spelling, and grammar):

b. (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a. (reference section):

b. (citations to reliable sources):

c. (OR):

d. (copyvio and plagiarism):
It is broad in its coverage.
a. (major aspects):

b. (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a. (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales):

b. (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/fail:

(Criteria marked are unassessed)

I will go through with this review today! --K. Peake 15:28, 18 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox and lead

Are you sure sidebars are reliable for genres? Also, ref should not be infobox when info is sourced in body.

Removed ref.

Mention in the first sentence that it is "for his fourth studio album, Yellow Dancer (2015)" and change the single release to simply saying "from the album" at the end

Done

""Why Don't You Play in Hell?" is a" → "It is a"

Done

Pipe rock to Rock music

Done. Think this was unliked by a bot

Wikilink jazz

Done

Add the full October release date after the "Subarachnoid hemorrhage" part

Are you sure? The release date is mentioned in the first paragraph.

"the single took No. 5 on Japanese singles charts and ended at No. 20" → "the song reached No. 5 on the Oricon Singles Chart and ended at No. 20" with the wikilink

Added mention to both the Oricon and Billboard charts

"It received positive reception from reviewers," → ""Why Don't You Play in Hell?" received positive reception from music critics," with the pipe

Done

"in September and won" → "in September 2013" and I would recommend swapping the award around with the boy's fantasy in order, as this would have a better flow

Done

Background

Correct the name to Sion Sono on the img text

Done

"as its tie-up work, and aimed" → "as its accompanying work and he aimed"

Done

This sentence should re-invoke [3] since it uses quotations

Done

Not sure if "from activities" works; maybe "from his career" or even simply "into a hiatus"?

Changed to "into a hiatus."

Promotion and release

Swap this with comp for the correct order

Done

Isn't the announcement from July 2013, looking at the date of the source?

Fixed

"The "Why Don't You Play in Hell?" single was released by" → ""Why Don't You Play in Hell?" was released as a single by"

Done

Pipe Victor Entertainment to JVCKenwood Victor Entertainment

I believe this falls under WP:NOTBROKEN

"to "Why Don't You Play in Hell?"'s recording and music video." → "to the recording and music video of "Why Don't You Play in Hell?"." or something similar

Changed to "the single's recording and music video"

Pipe Budokan to Nippon Budokan

Instead changed the text to Nippon Budokan

"as part of touring" → "as part of a tour"

Changed to "as part of his touring effort for the album" to be more inline with other music articles

"performed during encore along with" → "performed during an encore along with" with the wikilink and after the cover mention, add the info about his outfit matching the film and the sword he deployed

Added link but the source doesn't describe the sword. It is clearly visible in the image though, so I believe its still appropriate for the alt text

"Later in April," → "Later in April 2014,"

Done

Add after "from the hemorrhage" something like "as he took his jacket off" per the source

Added "after another cover of "Kimi wa Bara yori Utsukushī" as his alter ego character Akira Nise", since I believe this is the main point in the source

Remove "for viewing" since that is implied by YouTube

Done

Composition and lyrics

Add info to the audio sample about what Hoshino focuses on with the chorus

Done. Also changed its text a little bit

""Why Don't You Play in Hell?" is a" → "Musically, "Why Don't You Play in Hell?" is a" and to call into question further, are you sure it is suitable to use a sidebar for genre sourcing?

See comment at bottom.

[1] should be at the end of the sentence instead

Done

Wikilink tempo instead of beats per minute

Again NOTBROKEN, I believe

"provided viola performance." → "provided a viola performance."

Changed to "performance on viola"

If the other credits are completely listed out in the last sentence, do not use include since that implies these are not the full remaining credits

Changed to "The track also features"

"CDJournal wrote that" → "The staff of CDJournal wrote that" and the source is not displaying "fantasy" in words after the mention of experiences, unless my Google translate is broken?

Think this is a translation issue: ファンタジー is loaned from the English "fantasy". Other requested change

Done

"beat throughout lively piano and" → "beat alongside lively piano and"

Done

I would re-word to something more encyclopaedic than "mad beat"

I've changed it to "crazy", if that fits?

"The lyrics describes" → "The lyrics of the song describe"

Done

Invoke [17] at the end of this sentence per the usage of a direct quote

Done

"according to analysis" → "according to an analysis"

Done

Where are the "mad" chorus and "rather than a life" parts sourced?

This was for the Madcats article. I've added it at the end of the sentence.

Music video

Add the release years of the previous works

Done

"in response, Hoshino lifts a" → "in response, he lifts a"

Done

Reception

"received positive reception from critics." → "was met with positive reception from music critics." with the pipe

Done

"Daisuke Koyanagi (Rockin'On Japan) praised" → "Koyanagi of Rockin'On Japan praised" since his full name was already used, also terms like of, from, etc. should be used for any of these publication reviews instead of brackets

I borrowed this style from a different GA I've read. I've changed it per your request, though.

"from "complete understanding."" → "from "complete understanding"." per MOS:QUOTE on full sentences

Done

Hagamuchi's review uses a semi-colon instead of a full-stop in the first place the quote uses one here so edit appropriately, also is my language translator not working here since it says "You are not alone"?

I think is fault of the translator. Semi-colons don't exist in Japanese, but I've changed it per your request.

"Elio Mitsushima (BadCats Weekly) selected" → "Mitsushima from BadCats Weekly selected"

Done

"showcases the person and celebrity" → "showcases the personality and celebrity" to be smoother

Done

"CDJournal opined that" → "CDJournal staff opined that" although is the "heart-plucking" quote definitely sourced?

Done. Heart-plucking is sourced; in the original text it is "心弾むサウンドが魅力"

"in its first week of release," → "in Japan within its first week of release,"

Done

"of No. 5 on" → "of No. five on" per MOS:NUM

Done

"best-selling single that October." → "best-selling single for October 2013."

Done

"it rose to" → "the song rose to"

Done

"it made five appearances" → "the song made five appearances" although these are not sourced themselves

Done. Billboard Japan doesn't have a total tally, but the source should allow readers to navigate for that information if that's anything.

"It continued to chart on" → "The song continued to chart on"

Done

"It charted for" → ""Why Don't You Play in Hell?" charted for"

Done

Track listing

Please add sources here

These sections fall under WP:PLOT

Are you sure the total length should not be in bold?

Not sure. Should it be?

Personnel

Use {{spaced ndash}} so there is the right space between credits and personnel

Done

Charts

Good

Release history

None of these columns should be sortable

Done

Format → Format(s)

Done

The ref for digital download and streaming is only Japan; change to this country or add various citations if you want to make this various instead of worldwide or Japan

Changed to "Various" with ref to US Apple Music

References

Copyvio score looks solid at 32.0%!!!
I understand that these refs are often in Japanese rather than English, however you still need to fix MOS:QWQ and MOS:CAPS issues with titles

I believe I've fixed this(?), but Japanese doesn't have capitalization rules so I do believe it isn't actually appropriate to correct them outside the translations.

Pipe Victor Entertainment to JVCKenwood Victor Entertainment on refs 3, 25 and 27

NOTBROKEN (I think?)

Final comments and verdict

On hold until all of the issues are fixed; that went quicker than I thought! --K. Peake 18:23, 18 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I had written responses to your initial comments but your quick work left me with an edit conflict... Give me a few minutes and everything should be done! IanTEB (talk) 18:38, 18 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Kyle Peake: I've fixed most of your issues. For using CDJournal for genres, I'll leave the decision up to you: if you think I should remove it, I can no problem, but it would be unfortunate to lack a definitive genre. IanTEB (talk) 19:09, 18 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@IanTEB: Thank you for the quick response and I appreciate your appraisal too, although there are some issues left. The announcement still says June instead of July 2013 in promotion and release, musically should be used before the genres in composition which are fine to keep upon further inspection, I'd recommend putting the track listing length in bold although maybe I'm not reading WP:PLOT right since I don't see anything about no sources for track listings, various release needs at least three retailers which should be grouped as one ref (see All Day (Kanye West song) for an example) and MOS:CAPS still applies even for foreign language references. --K. Peake 10:45, 19 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Kyle Peake: I've added links to Taiwanese and Chinese Apple Music, which puts the region total at 4. I've also found it on the Korean and Peruvian stores. WP:PLOT was not the right policy to cite from my end, but I was referring to how plot sections don't require sources since they typically cite the work itself. Regardless, I've added refs to Apple Music and a Japanese retailer in the track listing section. Capitalization, bold text for total length, announcement date, and the beginning of composition section are fixed. IanTEB (talk) 11:19, 19 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

✓ Pass now, I copy edited the digital release references but this looks good now for sure! --K. Peake 07:45, 20 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the detailed review! IanTEB (talk) 09:42, 20 April 2024 (UTC)[reply]