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Talk:Where Are You Tonight? (Journey Through Dark Heat)/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]
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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 07:54, 1 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]


Good Article review progress box
Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()
3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()
Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

Going for this one since it is the oldest GA nominee of the songs subtopic, on first glance it looks a bit messy but I believe the issues can be fixed with suggestions that I will deliver in proper detail soon.

Many thanks for taking this on, Kyle Peake. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 09:13, 1 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
BennyOnTheLoose It is my pleasure and I have commented on the infobox and lead though will do more soon! --K. Peake 10:57, 1 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox and lead

[edit]
  • Remove img of Bob Dylan from the infobox since that is not an appropriate area; either place in a relevant section or delete altogether
  • The album is titled Street-Legal, so fix this
  • "which appeared as the final track on his 1978 album Street Legal." → "released as the closing track on his 18th studio album Street-Legal (1978)."
  • The following sentence should be one stating the writer and producer of the song
  • "suggested both that it references Dylan's divorce and that it foreshadows or announces" → "suggested that it references Dylan's divorce as well as foreshadowing or announcing"
  • "the religiously-focused albums that followed Street Legal." → "the religiously-focused projects that followed the album."
  • This sentence and the following one belong after Dylan's statement about the song
  • "have also claimed that" → "have also opined that"
  • ""enemy within"." → ""enemy within.""
  • "The released version of the song" → "The final version of "Where Are You Tonight? (Journey Through Dark Heat)""
  • "released on Street-Legal on June 15, 1978." → "released on Street-Legal in June of that year."
  • Add a sentence after stating whether the reception was positive/negative, plus state what critics praised/criticized
  • Mention that the remasters feature the song
  • "all in 1978." → "all throughout 1978."

Background and recording

[edit]
  • Remove further information template
  • Remove wikilink on Street-Legal
  • "including "Where Are You Tonight? (Journey Through Dark Heat)" on" → "including "Where Are You Tonight? (Journey Through Dark Heat)", on"
  • Remove wikilink on Minnesota
  • "composed the songs for his" → "composed the songs on his"
  • Target Santa Monica to Santa Monica, California
  • "at a session where" → "during a session where"
  • "the version that was released was" → "the version ultimately released was"
  • "at Rundown Studios on April 27, 1978, and featured a" → "at Rundown Studios the following day, featuring a"
  • "The latter recording was" → "It was"
  • Remove target on produced
  • Target engineered to Audio engineer
  • "The song was released as the closing track to Street-Legal on June 15, 1978." → "The song was released on June 15, 1978, as the final track on Dylan's 18th studio album Street-Legal."
  • You can keep this sentence in a separate paragraph but it needs more added afterwards; I will point out what from the following section

Interpretation and critical reception

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  • This is currently quite jumbled and parts of it don't belong in this section; I will note these and also try to help you split Composition and lyrical interpretation into a separate section from Critical reception
  • Nogowski's closing song opinion belongs in the previous section's last para, though what he calls the song itself belongs here
  • "of all he was going" → "of all [Dylan] was going"
  • "sounds like one here." → "sounds like one here.""
  • "in the line" → "in the line,"
  • Heylin's entire sentence belongs in the previous section's last para
  • Cott's opinion is about critical reception
  • Are you sure it's brought to mind or brings to mind in this context?
  • "believes that the album" → "believes that Street-Legal"
  • "and Dylan's next album" → "and how Dylan's next album"
  • "but do believe, like Gilmour" → "though believe similarly to Gilmour"
  • Can you reword this and the other sentences to make them relevant to the song itself without adding WP:OR?
     Pending
    Maybe it's fine to not specifically mention the song in every sentence if the sentences are of relevance to the album's theme(s) that the song is connected to? --K. Peake 08:50, 2 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Mention Michael Gray by his full name here
  • "to embracing Christ"." → "to embracing Christ."" with the target
  • Sounes' opinion belongs in reception if you can word it to be of relevance to the song
  • The Beviglia sentence belongs in Composition and lyrical interpretation for the cinematic part and noting it as a rock song; try something like, ""Where Are You Tonight? (Journey Through Dark Heat) is a rock track, with a "cinematic" opening." and this should start the section
  • However, the ranking and its quote belongs in Critical reception
  • "saying "nobody else" → "saying that "nobody else"
  • "The song was ranked" → "The track was ranked" and put this in Critical reception
  • "Dylan songs, and described as" → "Dylan songs, with the staff describing it as"
  • "Michael Gray calls" → "Gray calls" which belongs in Critical reception
  • "In an interview in March 1978," → "In a March 1978 interview," and this sentence belongs in the opening section instead
  • "before recording the version of" → "before recording the final version of"
  • "on Street-Legal Dylan told interviewer Barbara Kerr" → "on the album, Dylan told interviewer Barbara Kerr:"
  • Webster's quote belongs in Composition and lyrical interpretation but "notes this alongside" → "notes Dylan's statement alongside" or something similar
  • "Clinton Heylin quotes from" → "Heylin quotes from" and this belongs in Composition and lyrical interpretation
  • "to support his own view" → "to support his viewpoint"
  • "Dylan made similar comments to those" → "Dylan expressed similar comments to the ones"
  • "conducted around the same time," → "from around the same time,"
  • "Dylan telling Shelton" → "Dylan telling Shelton that"
  • "Heylin also identifies lyrical allusions in" → "Lyrical allusions are also identified by Heylin in"
  • Add release years of the songs in brackets
  • "Dylan's lyric includes" → "Dylan's lyrics include,"
  • "run down my leg"." → "run down my leg.""
  • "and Johnson's song has" → "and Johnson's song has:"
  • "Heylin, and Margotin and Guedson," → "Heylin, and Phillipe Margotin and Jean-Michel Guedson,"
  • "in the lyric" → "in the lyrics,"
  • "Alan Light, quoting the lyric" → "Alan Light, quoting the line" and this belongs in Critical reception
  • "by degrees" says" → "by degrees," says"
  • "Gray notes that the line" → "Gray notes that the line "Horseplay and disease is killing me by degrees"" and this belongs in Composition and lyrical interpretation
  • Add release year of Johnson's song in brackets
  • "achin' heart disease"," → "achin' heart disease,""
  • "might reference Johnson's line" → "may reference Johnson's line"
  • Add release year of Johnson's song in brackets
  • "disinterest in truth"." → "disinterest in truth.""
  • "The album Street-Legal was" → "Street-Legal was" and this belongs in the opening section's last para
  • Remove target on remixed
  • Mention that the song was featured on the remasters

Personnel

[edit]
  • Retitle to Credits and personnel
  • Add at the top of the section: Credits adapted from the Bob Dylan All the Songs: The Story Behind Every Track book (citing the ref directly afterwards instead of having it as the source at the bottom of the section)
  • Split with sub-headings instead of sub-sections
  • Use {{spaced ndash}} so there is the right space between credits and personnel
  • Target vocals to Singing
  • Remove the violin credit since it is uncertain, so technically very close to being classified as OR
  • Target background vocals to Backing vocalist
  • Dennis, Harris and Springs should all be on separate lines but keep the same credit next to each respective person
  • Remove wikilink on backing vocals
  • Producer should not be capitalised
  • Target sound engineering to Audio engineer

Live Performances

[edit]
  • Retitle to Live performances
  • Move to being inbetween Critical reception and Credits and personnel sections
  • "has performed the song" → "has performed "Where Are You Tonight? (Journey Through Dark Heat)""
  • "The first was on" → "The first performance was on"
  • "and the last was on December 9, 1978," → "the last was on December 9 of that year,"
  • "the Carolina Coliseum, Columbia, South Carolina." → "the Carolina Coliseum in Columbia, South Carolina." with the wikilinks

References

[edit]
  • Make sure all of the website ones are archived using the tool
  • Copyvio score looks fine at 29.1%
  • Layout of authors should be consistent throughout the references, with last names followed by first
  • Change refs 5 and 18 to solely citing Bob Dylan and as publisher
[edit]
  • Should instead read: Lyrics to "Where Are You Tonight? (Journey Through Dark Heat)" at Bob Dylan's website.

Final comments and verdict

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Having the additional section has definitely helped. I'll work on this, and also on the remaining comments from your review above. Thanks again. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 20:10, 1 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
BennyOnTheLoose Have made some additional comments to you; this article isn't up to the criteria yet but good job, since it's not far! --K. Peake 08:50, 2 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Kyle Peake I've now implemented almost all of the changes. Hopefully I've not created not too many new issues from the reorganisation and material added. I haven't covered off your point about rewording in the "Interpretation and critical reception" section. Does more need to be done to link the religious imagery of the song to the critics' suggestions about Dylan and Christianity? BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 09:53, 3 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
BennyOnTheLoose You do not need it all to specifically mention the song in every sentence, but make sure to relate to the theme of the album that the song is part of. Also, I have replied to comments by you above; sorry about the delayed response, I kept forgetting due to being focused on other ventures yesterday. --K. Peake 07:03, 4 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I've moved the content of the Composition and lyrical interpretation section around, and I think the organisation is a bit more more logical there now. I appreciate your patient guidance Kyle Peake, please let me know in due course about what else is needed. Regards, 14:19, 4 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
BennyOnTheLoose I have done a small amount of copy editing but this article looks well-written generally by now, good job! However, the notes still need fixing since a ^ has no text, plus b ^ should say "and is a reworking" instead. --K. Peake 20:51, 5 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
K. Peake thanks for those changes. I've amended the notes. Regards, BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 06:40, 6 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
BennyOnTheLoose ✓ Pass now, as the notes look fine. --K. Peake 06:50, 6 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
K. Peake I have really appreciated the constructive and supportive feedback. I'll apply the lessons learnt to my future song GA nominations. Regards, BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 06:57, 6 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
BennyOnTheLoose That is my pleasure, especially make sure that you do not create messy articles and never feel afraid to post on my talk page if you want anything! --K. Peake 07:41, 6 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
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