Talk:Wheels of Aurelia/GA3

GA Review

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Reviewer: Cognissonance (talk · contribs) 12:07, 3 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Failed twice. Hopefully it has been improved since then. Cognissonance (talk) 12:07, 3 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you Cognissonance for taking the time to review the article. I appreciate it. Let me know what I can do to make the article better. Lee Vilenski ^{(talk • contribs)} 12:31, 3 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

that was developed and published by Santa Ragione, and was released worldwide "that was" and "and was" are unnecessary.
released worldwide on 20 September 2016 for Linux, Macintosh and Microsoft Windows, and later released on 4 October 2016 for PlayStation 4, Xbox One and a mobile version on 19 October 2017 for iOS. The game was also released on 2 November 2017 for the Nintendo Switch. For the sake of a better overview, I suggest to copy edit this: "released worldwide on 20 September 2016 for Linux, Macintosh and Microsoft Windows, on 4 October 2016 for PlayStation 4 and Xbox One, on 19 October 2017 for iOS, and on 2 November 2017 for the Nintendo Switch."
in Italy in 1978 Simplify: "in 1978 Italy".
Remove the hyphen from "player-character", per original article. I also recommend copy editing the sentence: "the player character Lella, a woman who drives along the Italian motorway"...
While the game is fairly short This reads like WP:POV. I suggest: "Despite the game's brevity"...
To avoid repetition, the following use of "The game" should be replaced with "It".
Why is 1986 italicised? Also, having already written "the 1986 arcade game Out Run", "the cult film Il Sorpasso" should lose the "the".

Plot / Gameplay

The player controls Lella, a feminist woman driving a sports car should be moved down to the gameplay, while the gameplay's Wheels of Aurelia follows a female couple in a 1978 road trip across Italy belongs in the plot, after which you can properly introduce Lella.
who stops in a nightclub to "find someone to take her away", looking for a date to help her leave the country "looking for a date to help her leave the country" is the same thing as "to "find someone to take her away"".
the highly political and dangerous Remove for breach of WP:POV.
She finds Olga, who later accompanies her for the journey to France Copy edit: "She is accompanied by Olga as they journey to France".
"re-convene" shouldn't be hyphenated.
The players' actions and their interactions with non-player characters in the form of hitchhikers, one of many different endings may be incurred After copy editing the sentence, move it down to Gameplay where it belongs: "The player's actions and interactions with non-player characters (hitchhikers) may lead to many different endings". Work it into the sentence "The game features 16 different endings".
When the characters reach new locations, a cutscene with the characters placed over a postcard of the area will play. I fail to see why this is useful, much less in a plot section.
The rest of the paragraph should be in Gameplay.
Ref. 11 (Wordpress) is unreliable.
Unusually for a traditionally story-based visual novel, the player is expected to drive the sports car in game WP:POV
Remove hyphen from "player-character".
The game sees the player-character called Lella and a partner called Olga, who both want to leave Italy for initially unknown reasons Incoherent and repeats information already mentioned in the plot.

Development

The section should be retitled to "Development and release".
Ref. 18 (Inverse') strikes me as unreliable.
Kipnis was responsible for the game's dialogue design, a role she worked on with Double Fine Productions This information can be worked into the previous one: "with help from Double Fine Productions' Anna Kipnis, who was responsible for designing the dialogue".
Wheels of Aurelia was developed with a "unique" system in place, with each line of dialogue tied treated as a separate topic, setting certain interactions to affect later events Issue mentioned in previous review, but unaddressed.
The first paragraph repeats "Wheels of Aurelia was" twice.
Link "beta" to Beta release.
Refs. 20 and 21 (Boing Boing) are questionable.

Overall

Early on in the review, I came to understand why the article hasn't been promoted to Good Article in the past and, halfway, I knew I couldn't finish it. It has fundamental problems with unreadable prose, illogical info placement, and unreliable sources. Plot is half-written like it's a Gameplay section; Gameplay almost looks like a plot section. In my opinion, it can only be saved by rewriting it from scratch with reliable sources listed on WP:VG/RS and a heavy copy editing from the Guild. For now, it fails to meet the Good Article criteria. Cognissonance (talk) 16:26, 3 July 2018 (UTC)[reply]