Talk:Voltaire P. Twombly/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Display name 99 (talk · contribs) 22:39, 12 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I will begin reviewing this article shortly. Display name 99 (talk) 22:39, 12 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Here we go:

Infobox

Use the "Death date and age" template so that the reader can see how old Twombly was at the time of his death.
All the other military infoboxes I've seen only include the highest rank that a man received for each country's military. Therefore, saying that he was a corporal at the time he was awarded the Medal of Honor is unnecessary and ought to be removed.

Lead

Link "Van Buren County, Iowa". Display name 99 (talk) 04:23, 13 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Civil War

Regiments are usually referred to using numbers. You may want to chance "Second Iowa" to "2nd Iowa".
What did Twombly do in the war before the Battle of Fort Donelson? This should be included so as to fill in all gaps.
It wasn't just the 2nd Iowa that attacked Fort Donelson. You must identify that the 2nd Iowa was part of the Army of the Tennessee. It certainly didn't attack the fort by itself.
Forrest and Rhodey should have their full names given and Rhodey's name should be linked.
Link "Battle of Fort Donelson" using the word "attacked".
Link "Fort Donelson", the place.
"followed the forces of" Sherman-how? You make it seem as though the soldiers of the company just gathered up all of their stuff and spontaneously marched along with Sherman's men like the escaped slaves did in Georgia. What unit were they attached to? Later, it says that they weren't placed under Sherman's command until April 1864. Who commanded them before then?
"Twombly was made the assistant inspector general of the Third Brigade of the Second Iowa Infantry."-Regiments make up brigades, not the other way around.
Battles such as Bentonville should not link to the article for the town, but to the article for the battle.

Later Life

"mayor of Keosauqua"-Should probably capitalize mayor and link the title if possible, or at least the town.
Link "Des Moines".
I recommend adding the date of his death to this section.

Spirit of Eagle, please see my comments above. Display name 99 (talk) 04:19, 13 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the review; I've made the changes you've requested. The sources covering Twombly skimped on some of the larger organizational details needed to understand what was happening to him during the Civil War. I added in two sources, one on General Sherman and one on the Second Iowa in general, to address your questions about what Twombly was doing in late 1861 and how exactly Twombly and the Second Iowa fell under Sherman's command (specifically, guard duty/transfers and he was promoted commander of the Army of the Tennessee). Also, I could not find any information on Confederate General Rhodey anywhere beyond the source I cited, which simply states that Twombly fought against the forces of a General Rhodey. Spirit of Eagle (talk) 01:32, 14 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Spirit of Eagle, thank you for your work on the article. Most of the changes look good. I do, however, have some remaining issues.

I am relatively familiar with Civil War history, which is part of the reason for why I decided to review this article. In all my studies, I had never before heard of a General Rhodey, although I worked under the assumption that he existed due to his presence in the article. A Google search on him turned up nothing. Check to see if there is a typing error. If there is not, and you can find nothing else that would prove his existence, please remove his name from the article.
The sentence including the words "Twombly and the 2nd Iowa Infantry marched North into Tennessee" still does not say with whom. The regiment was part of the Army of the Tennessee, and so that was what marched into Tennessee. I would change this to "The Army of the Tennessee marched northeast into Tennessee". I use "northeast" because, firstly, directions should not be capitalized, and secondly, because the Army was previously in Vicksburg, Mississippi, and the journey to Chattanooga required them to move in a northeastern direction. This gives a greater idea of what the regiment was part of, rather than just suggesting that it wandered around Tennessee alone.
Finally, the very next sentence is inaccurate. Sherman took command of the Army of the Tennessee not in April 1864, but in October 1863, after Grant was appointed commander of the Military District of the Mississippi, which had just been created for him. Sherman took command of this district on March 18, 1864, and was subsequently replaced as commander of the Army of the Tennessee by James B. McPherson. This must be fixed.

If these errors are remedied, I believe that I will be ready to promote the article. Display name 99 (talk) 02:41, 14 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

I’ve made a number of changes based on your recommendations. First, I removed the reference to the so-called “General Rhodey”. I was unable to find any information on him or any other spellings of his name. I briefly thought that his name might have been a misspelling of Major General Robert E. Rodes, but Rodes was not stationed in Mississippi and his name sounds nothing like Rhodey. (For what its worth, I imagine that Rhodey was a lower ranked officer operating under Forrest, and that the source I used erroneously referred to him as a general). I’ve also cleaned up the inaccurate information about Sherman, and made the change you suggested in point 2. Also, just something I’d like to bring to your attention: the Dyer source I’m using mentioned that the Army of the Tennessee officially came into existence in October of 1862, and that the army the 2nd Iowa joined was officially named the Army of the West Tennessee. However, just about every source I’ve seen referred to the West Tennessee as the Army of the Tennessee. I’ve added a brief explanatory note to the article and a link to a section of Army of the Tennessee’s article which provides more information on the history of the Army’s name (since the naming history takes a good paragraph to fully explain, which would be widely out of scope for Twombly’s article).Spirit of Eagle (talk) 02:38, 15 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Spirit of Eagle, I made a couple additional edits to the article to help polish things off. I have now decided to promote it. Thank you taking the time to work on it. Display name 99 (talk) 15:15, 15 July 2016 (UTC)[reply]